AAARRRGGGHHH!!!! Linkin Park is coming down to Singapore and I couldn’t attend their concert!!! Because I’ll be back at campus on that very same day!!! Classes have start so I cannot miss them. An absence will mean a warning letter which I don’t want to receive any!! Three classes on that day….three warning letters…NO NO NO.

Yes Linkin Park coming down here and their concert will be on the 22nd. Just when my membership with LPU had expired, just when I had to go back to campus.

But so what, there’s nothing I can do about it, can I? There really is no alternative. Bye bye Linkin Park. Well, you can’t save me if I happen to get a warning letter for absence, can you?

What the heck.

My mind had been busy during the Down to Earth programme that even if I had a thought of him, it wasn’t like always. I mean, it’s in the ok level. Maybe it’s because he’s coming back this month and I know it’s going to be different this time. I don’t know how different, but I think it is.

So many questions in my mind, I’m just waiting for his return and maybe pull enough wits to ask him…… Right now, I’m not going to put too much energy thinking about what’s going to happen. I’ll take everything as it is, day by day and face the future. He’s just a friend anyway….So, to the mind, don’t think.

7 days of Down to Earth, Baktisiswa 2004 was the among the best days of my life!! The most valuable and sweetes memories that I might not be able to forget for the rest of my life. No regrets for every minute of it. Even though at first I was not really confident about the whole thing, but I survived and was grateful I was part of ‘history’. I thank Allah for giving me this beautiful memories.

Initially, I was very nervous about the whole thing and worrying myself as this is going to be my first time ‘living’ in a village. So many things in my mind, and when news got round that it’s going to be ‘deep in the forest’, I really am worried and I foung out there’s no line coverage for my mobile phone!!!

But, all worries were nothing, the place is beautiful, yes deep into the palm plantations, but a real nice place to live in….the people there were very helpful. They are nice people. And it’s a felda….a community for the people working in the palm plantations. I’m saying it again….a NICE place to live in.

My days there were truly filled with programmes. There’s seminar…a three day motivation programme at a secondary school nearby, my first time being a facilitator but thank God, the students under me were great. I did enjoy being a ‘big sister’ to them very much…and I felt the satisfaction of being able to help them in certain ways. I’m going to try again being a facilitator.

I made new friends!! Mostly my seniors but they were cool people. I actually can’t believe they are people that we can actually joke around with…well, they look serious back in campus…. I really am happy getting to know them. I am the youngest sister throughout the programme with three others.

No words can really describe the happy days….it can only be in my mind…beautiful memories…Thank God for them. I love every moment of it.

My only regret is for not having a viewcam. 😦

I went to stay at my uncle’s last Saturday due to the truly quietness and almost ghost-town like of the campus. I felt so alone since all of the Singaporean students had return home and it was like I’m the only Singaporean left in a foreign country. I really felt alone~

So I spent Saturday night and Sunday afternoon at my uncle’s and family. It was fun and I felt much relief staying with them. We watched movies, had an almost grand dinner and I got to watch TV!!!! 🙂 And yes, had a great time eating!!!

So I’m back at campus now. With my friend. And Thank God she’s here. We are both participating in a programme. ‘Down to Earth’ which we will be going to a village in Johor and do some volunteering work. I’m going there as a facilitator for a motivational programme at one of the schools there. I don’t know what to expect~ The people, the kids, the place and the lifestyle. This is really going to be my first time ‘living’ in a village. And after few gatherings/meetings, I kind of get an idea of the whole thing but still I’m nervous. I hate uncertainties.

Well, we’ll be going on this Wednesday. And for the time being, I’m with my friend having a time of our life. Enjoying ourselves, alone together. Again, thank God she’s with me. Otherwise, I’ll be ‘crying’ alone and lock myself up in my room, never to come out. Everything’s well now and we had fun!!

I’m hoping for the best. I hope I will do the best in this programme and have some sweet and fruitful experiences. It’s a chance of a lifetime. ALL THE BEST!!

Yes. Exams are finished at last but that does not bring a smile to me at all because I knew I SCREWED UP BIG TIME!!!! And it’s my greatest regret of my life for not using the time that I had wisely. I don’t know what went wrong or who to blame. Guess I started the semester the wrong way. I knew I screwed up.

Intro to Communication’s exam – I didn’t read thoroughly and in the end got mixed up all the facts of the history and eras of television, film industry, radio and whatever else. Then Sciences of Qur’an which are supposed to be easy had I really read and memorise all the important facts and verses. And to think I had one week gap between my Intro to Comm and Science of Qur’an.

I almost had a nervous breakdown last night and didn’t sleep properly and then I waved goodbye freely to a 14 mark question….I truly gave up. I knew I SCREWED UP.

No tears can clear out the regrets. All I can do is maybe hope for at least a pass and go for the better next semester. This time I know I won’t repeat these mistakes because these are to be hideous scars in mind for the rest of my life. And whenever I’m about to waste my time and laze around, these scars will emerge. I will remember the nights I spent trying to crammed everything and risked losing the points the very next morning. And the nervous breakdowns. No repetitions, Seri. Start a brand new you next semester. NO MORE WASTING TIME. Insya Allah.

I know I cannot make the same mistakes again. There is no turning back, for God’s sake. No turning back and I cannot go on disappointing myself. It’s a SCAR, Seri. There’s no erase of it. Live with it.

SERVED ME RIGHT.

Yes!!! I am among the highest for my Intro to Communication’s third quiz!!! I am damn happy and proud of myself that I can actually did it. And to think I lamented and worried since the past few days to do better. BUT this only increase the need to do much better for my final exams. And there’s a few more chapters to read up on. I know I can do it. Alhamdulillah. Add up to the comment my lecturer made saying that I’m among the good students. That’s a compliment and a stresser at the same time. But that was source of happiness number 1.

Source of happiness number 2 was a phone call from him!!! Truly unexpected but coincidentally I was just thinking of him when suddenly my handphone rang- Private Number- and there he was on the phone!!! I was damn surprised at myself! I enjoyed the call, sacrificing 30 minutes of an unofficial class. Shit…I do like him.

Wish he’s back sooner.

AGM which stands for Annual General Meeting for Singapore students of IIUM was held last night. It was not a grand event as muchly anticipated. It was more of a casual, informal and rather ‘as-you-like-it’ attitude from EVERYONE.

First on the agenda was a farewell speech from the previous president of ASSIIUM, a somewhat ‘teary’, sarcastic speech but with much advices and reminders. Humans are so in need of reminders. That I know very well. We tend to forget where we stand when we are happily in a group, we forget our priorities, we forget who we really are and are very much influenced by the people we spent too much time with. I knew and experienced this and saved myself.

There are reports from the secretary and treasurer and some small speech from the ex-co members but very much informal.

Then the ‘election’ starts. This is how it works. There’s an electorial board where they choose 6 persons and the rest of us got to nominate 4 others. Who’s in the board? Two from previous mainboard and three from ‘wise’ and graduating seniors.

It happened so fast that personally I DON’T FEEL THE IMPORTANCE of it. And the politics in it are damn childishly funny. They go for what we termed as ‘group’. So this groups will nominate one of them and it’s shit. So there’s ten names. Then we had to vote seven names whom we ‘think’ are suitable for the job. I had a hard time choosing.

Just because we lack of responsible people.

After about 20 minutes, the seven ‘chosen’ people were announced and…..no comment. I don’t know what to say. Some things are hard to explain.

I’ll just hope for the best from them. Let them do whatever they want as long as they don’t disturb me and hinder me from doing what I need.

ps: Tired of talking about people.

Today has been a better day for me. Woke up with a slight headache but much better than last night where every part of me aches.

Received my Science of Qur’an’s mid term paper and got just below passing mark! But I’m determined to do better for the final exams which is in ten days…I hope that’s more enough to cover all the chapters. I did my Intro to Comm’s quiz later in the afternoon and I hoped I did better than the previous ones. There was a sudden special quiz too and I hoped I will get that 5% for my finals. Hope I did well in that special quiz. I’m hoping for the better for Comm’s exams which is in four days’ time! For the better for the best!

There’s going to be an AGM this evening, whatever that stands for, for the ASSIIUM which stands for Association of Singapore Students of International Islamic University of Malaysia. This AGM, is to elect new members for the mainboard and executive committee. It’s a scary thought as well as anticipating to find out who’s going to be the ‘leaders’ for Singapore students. I can’t even imagine what the future holds for them. Real scary because of the responsibility and commitment it demands. And it needs people of real charisma to be one. Not just any one of us.

Personally, I don’t see any of us who are fit to be one. The present mainboard members are one of the best. But maybe there are people who can do the job. I won’t say names. I’m going to this AGM to join in the excitement!

I don’t think I can handle it. Not now I guess. I need to do better for the next semester and I don’t think I can handle my time for studies, archery and any job that demands too much of my time.

I’m going for the better.

‘better’ ticker counter: 6

Went to see my lecturer this morning to have a look at my answer sheets from the midterm exam and quizzes. I did average but I know I can do much better!! I know I can. I’m so used to being among the best that I cannot settle for average. I mean if other people can, why can’t I? I have to be the best! It’s a need.

I think I know what went wrong. Maybe I spent too much time with friends wasting a lot of precious time. I’ve been following them, playing stupid Uno which I don’t know what I gained from playing it. Watching stupid vcds. Talking about not so good things. Talking about people’s mistakes not realising that maybe we are the ones making mistakes. I guessed I have sinned a lot and this is the ‘retribution’. Now my time is running out, I have a lot to catch up. And at this moment, being alone s what I needed most. I appreciate their presence a lot but too much wasted time. I cannot handle that!

To the Lord above, please help me. I am not going to disappoint anyone. I have to be the best.

The trip to Putrajaya went well. Despite the heat and a bit too much waiting, everything went well and our time was planned real nice. We even got to return to campus earlier than planned.

Personally, I am very grateful to the participants for their patience and cooperation throughout the trip. Except for a few flaws such as the unair-conditioned bus, though they do complained, but they tolerated it, only one foreign student made such a big deal out of it. My perceptions towards this foreign student have changed, and he happened to be my senior’s boyfriend. All this while he was a cool person, but now I know, he’s a very fussy person. blaa.

The other participants were great. The Islamic Art Museum was the best as there were great artifacts, replicas of great artistic mosques around the world, weapons, manuscripts of the Qur’an. It was great. I couldn’t resist myself and bought three notebooks and four bookmarks. They were beautiful!

Putrajaya’s Seri Perdana Complex was a bit of a bore. It’s only the Prime Minister’s official house where he received international visitors and other political members of the world. All that there was to see were furnitures. But I did feel like a princess for a while. Putrajaya is a nice place anyway. Alhamdulillah everything went real well. I am glad that all the preparations are paid off. Alhamdulillah.

But that doesn’t mean I’m going to get myself involved in any programme committee next semester. My studies have suffered enough and I cannot let it happen again. I have to be among the best. I really have. That’s the main agenda I’m here for. So help me God.