why the heck do people participate in this gut-wrenching, heart-racing, mentally-depressing and emotionally distressing game!!! why do people even dare to join this so full of uncertainties and unlucky guesses?? it’s more pain than gain!!

imagine, you are all smooth sailing guessing out boxes which you HOPED is a small amount, and every time the banker offers some amount, all the audience are shouting NO DEAL! NO DEAL! NO DEAL! without knowing what they are saying at all. they just like to cheer on NO DEAL!

and then bammm! you make the HUGE HUGE MISTAKE of guessing out the jackpot of $250 000!! you want to drop dead, but you’re on national tv and oh well, there’s still that $100 000 and oh yea $75 000 is not bad either, against $1, $5, $20, $100 and $1500 or whatever it is. you have more unlucky chances of opening the big money than small ones, don’t you know that?? but no, you go for NO DEAL, because the audience are shouting it! and then it so happened, you took out the $100 000!! and banker’s deal has gone down to $12 000, when before that, you’re offered $22 000?

hiyya! it’s so heart attack lah sey!! i’m only watching it at home, and i would be shouting DEAL! DEAL! just take the money!! jangan tamak!!!

and then when all the big moneys are out, you got some pittance to game for. and you know you want to cry, your eyes are already watery, your face changed dramatically, you’re just waiting for the minute this stupid game will end!! but 5 more minutes to go, 5 more minutes, you’re on tv!

i cannot stand watching this game ley!! and when you get $25 after all those guesses, you’re like Lucky’s biggest joke, on the 2nd day of new year! I would have dropped unconscious if it were me up there!!

oklah, you’re brave and full of guts to even think of participating in it. bravo!! but you know you can’t help but blame yourself when you don’t get what you want~

ok, enuff. i have to do my job which is due last year.
haaaiii, susah betul.

I’m left with a few more minutes before leaving 2007. and i don’t care that half of the world population are having their countdown right this very minute. a concert’s on tv, but i don’t bother to watch, and in a few minutes time i’m going to hear the fireworks. yes people, hear the fireworks. not watch. and why do you have to shout the countdowns? i really can’t see the point. and then sing the auld lang syne?

i’m very bad at reminiscing old times and my memories are not helping either. Sometimes i wonder what is it that i remember at all???!!!

Alhamdulillah, i got through 2007 without a scratch, well there are scars somewhere, but i’m very good at hiding them.

I graduated from International Islamic University Malaysia. and graduated from life tutorials as well. the people who matter. those who are just passing by. the laughters. the tears. the heartbreaks. but i have yet to mature.

i understood the meaning of responsibility. when every word or decision you made affects the whole team. every deed done is because of them. not mine alone. leading is a hard thing to do. very. ikhlas. initiative.

i understood the meaning of friendship. acceptance. understanding. unselfish. but i’m still learning. and then there’s rejection. and disappointment. silence. to the girls…precious beings, kind souls, blessed hearts. to the guys…thank you for the friendship, for making me a part of you.

i understood that i cannot do everything on my own. i need people around me. i need people to be on the same wavelength, or things will just crumbles. and then i’ll get bored. and then i don’t bother to even try. because if i’m doing it alone, it won’t get done.

i understood the meaning of family. when you would just do anything to make them happy. i just thought despite the flaws, they’re still family. i experienced the most difficult phase of loss, missing my faithful departeds, for they were not here with me to see what i am now.

and still, there is more to learn.

2007 has given me a lot of valuable lessons. and memories.

so 2008, what is in store for me?

ok, i know this might seem so out of track after my previous post.

but it will feel like a child getting an ice cream after crying, consoled and comforted and raring to be a better behaved child after being scolded. (ok, i’m just draggggiing)

alright, i got this from zafirah (iiu-mate) who got it from youtube.
postscript_ why didn’t we think of this back in IIU??!! haha

i got an email from this yahoogroup i’m in and somehow i’m touched by the contents of it. it’s about this Rafiq Endeavour Award, somewhat a commemoration and a tribute to a very young ustaz who met a tragedy sometime this year.

i never knew this person, never even heard of his name before, but he’s quite well-known in the young activists circle, as i found out. and his death was a shock to most. i didn’t know why, but apparently, he was an active young man, in touch with the youths, i guess all the good characteristics are in him. and as you can see from this vid clip, he stumbled on the spiritual quest sometime in his teens. and found his destiny. literally.

but all i can deduce from the video clip, for someone who deserved to be commemorated, it must means he did alot. he achieved so much at a young age, he’s only a year older than me!! when there are others our age were thinking of cars and races, beauty and fashion, or boyfriends and girlfriends issues, there is this guy who strived and filled his time for the greater good. i’m just so impressed. and amazed at this guy. for someone who didn’t know his personal life, i’m sure he is a well respected person, to be remembered in such a way. then and now.

have a peek,
http://youtube.com/watch?v=3eVqcKawuSE

i guess it’s time to reflect on ourselves?

i honestly do not have anything to talk about at the moment.
well, there was the aLIVE seminar this morning at the Grassroots Club, attended by some teachers and parents from a mosque which jointly organized the seminar.

you know how people nowadays like to jump into conclusions without really know someone or something? without taking the effort to go beyond face value or beyond the physical impressions. or like thinking a class just full of plays when actually a lot of input was done in it. like the amout or talking and explaining, the number of activities and brainstorming the students need to do. well, that’s the rule of change. there’s always bound to be the hiccups to a good change. when there’s reaction from the public, it means they care, they want to know.

i’m just trying to recall what our deputy mufti conveyed in the seminar. the philosophy of teaching, the mechanisms needed in educating a child. everybody in the teaching line would know, how difficult it is to design a curriculum which not only teaches all these aspects, but needed to be age appropriate, relevant to the generation and challenges these students are facing, and how effective it has to be for the children to at least understand and find what they learn something meaningful. and oh let’s not forget the different learning styles the students have. so you need to design something which every students (of different attitudes, learning styles, capability, understanding, concentration) can relate to, not just one mode of teaching.

and there are some people who think teaching, particularly the revamped islamic education system, easy or play or no input whatsoever. the years it went through to get to where it is now, i am honestly in awe. it’s always better to get to know more about something before spewing judgements, ain’t it so?

the thing with working with an organization, you learn a lot of things you never thought of, and you learn how hard and pressurised it is to work for the community, but a percentage of the community do not have full trust or belief on the efforts done. it really made me wonder why. when all we are trying to do is to improve for the betterment of the community, and living in a multi-racial country, which is truly dominated by other race, you have all this pressure from others. it’s called structural opposition.

at the same time, there are only a small group of people who strives and brainstorms for the community, while the majority doesn’t. but that’s the way life is, i suppose.

ok, this is what happens when i start to think too much. i ramble.

get out of comfort zone people. wake up, true leaders, we need you all now.

glorious day with the girls. never been happier being TOGETHER HAPPILY with you girls. it’s almost like a therapy. just like the old days, when we would be going out together (during IIU days), talking like there’s no tomorrow. thousands of things to update, and still a whole day out is not enough to tell it all!

I LOVE YOU ALL LOTS!!

some pictures, courtesy of kak dewi and suli!!

http://wmg.photobucket.com/pbwidget.swf?pbwurl=http://wmg.photobucket.com/albums/v471/endertrust/chantique/cf8603eb.pbw

alhamdulillah, i have lived another day, another year, to another eidul adha.
a good rest and rilex relax day for me and the whole family. it’s like dramas after dramas back to back to back!! i actually couldn’t wait for my contract to end and have at least, at least, one whole week of doing what i want to do, without thinking “oh no!! there’s the dateline i have to rush for!!” “oh no!! i have to call this and this for the things, quotations, trainings, whatever nots~” or “I seriously don’t know where to start!!!”

of course, there’s going to be certain things am going to miss. but all good things will come to an end. do pray for my journey in the working life. i hope to get a job which will reflect my interests, i enjoy doing. but we all can’t always be too choosy. life in singapore is terribly expensive. i understand that now.

sacrifices. could you tell me is there life without sacrifices?? it’s like our life is designed for us to face all kinds of tests and challenges, just to see, just to see, how we would react to the situation, and what kind of sacrifices will we make? for our very own sake, or for our parents’ sake, for a friend’s sake, for a lover’s sake, for a stranger’s sake, for the sake of happiness, for love, peace, status? sacrifice your heart for the happiness of others. now that i listed these, i realised life is really about sacrifices.

do we ever do anything without a sacrifice? like you work, sacrificing your leisure time, or you play, sacrificing your workload.

ok, ok i don’t want to talk about sacrifices at the moment. i’m sacrificing my sleeping time doing this. haha!

girls….are we meeting?????? i think i get half day leave on christmas eve.

good morning!! haha, still quite sleepy at this very minute. been quite awhile haven’t updated this pretty pretty blog. 😉 (alaa, baru brape hari~) but anyway, pretty busy since my romantic reality. i guess, i went for some self-searching before coming back to reality. and yeah, it’s bonus day right?? haha, you know what happened when father gets a bonus!! ( fyi, i don’t get any bonuses, i’m just a temp)but to commemorate my last month of working, bought myself a real watch, for once, i have my own beautiful precious wristwatch, practically in love with it. bought it with my sisters tagging along, to help me decide on the watch. i practically took a looonng time to decide on my time companion! but come on, you need a wristwatch which not only serves you for the sake of time, but it means other things as well.

the wristwatch is:
1. time companion
2. reflects who YOU are, an identity
3. a memorable keepsake
4. you want something that suits all occassions
5. you don’t choose them, they choose You

and the salesguy agreed with me, while chitchatting, and picking out wristwatches for me. a wristwatch is truly important to me in many ways. and me trying to choose, or rather, waiting for the slightest sign/call/whisper from the watches. haha. dragggg. but alas, i got the wristwatch which i truly love and treasure~~ ladidadida~
it just says ME.

and then there’s the bbq last saturday night. hah, datang untuk makan~ felt a little bad about it. i just thought it could have been better, I could have been better.but i had fun!! the sea unseen, the night breeze, the lights, the nice food and hmm, a rather uncooked chicken wing 😉

ok, peeps, i have got to get back to work!

a train of black under the grey skies. the two hours of queueing up and eavesdropping to blond and accented teens. holding hands, don’t lose me babes! and two seconds away from a human stampede.
the music is all i hear. the moshing did not matter, the shouting did not matter. i’m in my own world. a thousand thoughts running thru my mind.

so this is their world. what makes them young people happy. what ‘heals’ their souls. i wonder how their life is beyond those superficial laughters and shouts.

no more standing. no more losing control. i’m just glad i had my friends with me. thank you dears for making my romance a reality. still taking it all in. masih belum berpijak di bumi nyata.

let me get back to where i once was. where’s me? hello me!!

have i sinned?