am stressed because my mind is not working intellectually. and am stressed because ihave been reading people’s articles and thinking, why can’t i write as them??

and i remembered a lecturer’s advice when i told him i wanted to write, “start with a line”
where do i start???

watched my fave malay film INDERA BANGSAWAN!! with my father. it’s about twin princes named Indera Sharif (Dato’ Kuswadinata) and Indera Bangsawan (Tan Sri Jins Samsudin — old timer heartthrob!!) borne holding an arrow (Panca Indera) and a sword (Panca Alam) respectively (hmm, yeah, their weapons were given names).

note: you could skip the movie-summary and straight to the whole point i’m actually tyring to say, which is in green.

it so happened that they grew up with exceptional magic prowess and of course, their undeniable and undefeated fighting abilities. and they were sent by their father, the king to find a magical flute (there’s no magical flute, just a ruse their father made up to make them go and ‘discover’ the world).

and so they went and there was a storm, while trying to find a shelter in a nowhere-forest, they unintentionally separated. and so Indera Sharif went on trying to find his way home and came to a deserted post-war kingdom, apparently by the advice of his magical arrow (it had a voice which so obviously sounds like Aziz Jaafar—another oldtimer hearththrob!)

realizing that the place was uninhabited, he beat this big gong, and surprise2, a princess, pretty of course, was hiding in that gong!!! (i mean, how could anyone remained in that gong for i believe a long time, never trying to come out of it, and must be starving!! right??)the princess claimed, she had three other companions with her, who were hiding inside three different barrels!! so our prince is the handsome saviour. indera sharif’s story ends here. oh not yet! he managed to kill this stupid looking cardboard making huge garuda with his Panca Indera the Arrow! (wow, our own legolas…we had our own version of lord of the rings long before they exist)

let us now see what happens to Indera Bangsawan. Apparently, he came to a cave, saw a makeshift bed and immediately slept on it (i had the idea he was terribly exhausted from his journey) and suddenly this old suppposedly-wise looking man came (the cave is his sanctuary) and so after quarelling with the old man, he found out that this old man was his grandfather!! (how the tooot did his grandfather came to live in that hole?? i mean like why??!) his granddaddy was something like a merlin the wizard, able to get food just by saying some magic words, and the food came flying out of nowhere (not that magic lah, just “heiiii meja sakti! sediakanlah makanan agar cucu ku dapat makan” hahah something like that la)

indera bangsawan was given an assignment by his granddaddy to save a princess named Saera (sounds like a classmate in IIU, and she’s Japanese-Turkish!) but alas!!! my handsome indera bangsawan has to turn into a chimpanzee!!! NO NO NO!!!!! a chimp which can talk and sing! (how imaginative malay people can be!!) but that’s how the story goes! and the chimp became the princess’ playmate.

and then, it turned out that the king (Saera’s father) had a truce with a djinn and he had to give his daughter to the djinn when she reached 17. well to cut the story short, a wiseman said only a man named indera bangsawan can kill this djinn….and so the day comes, the princess was sent to the djinn, and surprise2 indera bangsawan was there and the djinn defeated!!! and then the princess found out that the chimp was Indera Bangsawan. how? i think this could be the most stoopidest way ever…so one late night, the princess somehow couldn’t sleep because she suspected there could be a man in her room, and chimp was sleeping in the same room, so she faked sleep, and then chimp woke up and went out to the ‘swimming pool’ and alas!! he could actually took off his chimp-wear!!!! LOL

and of course it’s a happy ending for both indera sharif and indera bangsawan!!

but it’s how this malay films brought back memories of my childhood, when i always roleplayed with my brother (most of the time) that we were a princess and a prince. (but of course my brother was too little to understand, and was only the little prince who followed his sister everywhere she went) and so i was the princess, imagining my room filled with trees and beautiful flowers one moment, and a big room with golden furnitures and velvet covered bed the next. always, a prince will be waiting out the window~ which is no one.

another of my favourite roleplay, was the sea princess having a sea king, living in the ocean, in my mind, a sea cave decorated with all the beautiful corals and me, actually breathing under the sea!) i don’t know where that imagination came from? i don’t remember ever watching The Mermaid when i was younger. i think it’s mostly inspired by chinese epic dramas. (my mother was an avid fan of chinese channel 8 dramas!)

oh my god, i am reliving my childhood plays!! those were the days~ when life was simple and none the care of the world and its problems. when all it matters was another day of play and family love. when a laughter was sincere and the world a big nice place to live in.
those were the days~~

Roses are red
Violets are blue
A rock in my head
I’m feeling blue!!

Haha, a parody isn’t it? Nice…

Let’s talk about roses, shall we? I was just thinking about how people seem to think that roses are symbols of love. It’s culturally socieatally inherited and taught throughout the generations that roses means love and passion. I don’t remember this as being a revealed knowledge though ; )

Well, what I had in mind was between real roses and artificial roses. Red roses and bleached roses which are more interestingly coloured than just bloooddyyy rrredd.
There was even the hiden meaning behind the number of roses given to a special someone and even the colour of the roses means something, for example, one stalk of rose would mean ‘you’re the only one for me,’ and blue rose (yey my fave) would mean eternal love. I don’t even remember the exact meaning behind these by the way. (simple simple things like these just don’t stick to mind). The problem comes when deciding whether to give real roses which don’t really last that long, guaranteed life span of a week, or the artificial ones, paper roses or crocheted ones or they call it bunga plastikkK, which, admit it, they last longer, despite the dust they accumulate.

So does giving real roses, which is “romantic” and gives a pleasure feeling of tender loving care, but then will survive within a week, UNLESS, you’re good with roses -survival, which, not many of us do. Does that mean, the love will only last for a week? (Okay, i’m gonna get a hearing from people who DO GET ROSES.) But on the other side, giving artifical roses, which looks just exactly like the real roses but it stays longer, therefore metaphorically the feeling stays longer? And not to say cheaper than a dozen of real roses. But they say artifical roses = artificial love = cheapskate!! But it stays longer for GOD’s sake! But dried (is it dried or is there a better term for it??) roses stays longer too!! Only it turns brown and crunchy~hmmm, provoking aren’t I? ; )

hmm…what’s up with the smileys seri?? haha.

the official launching of the alumni IIUM singapore chapter held at the Royal Plaza on Scotts. my anxiety upon coming to the balmoral hall where the launch will be held. i was early of course as one of the registration committee, helped around with the gifts. (cool gifts, by the way!!) Yun was also there, her very first time involved in an alumni event. hehe, welcome to the club!

and as the clock ticks, there were no guests still. Ust. Hamidon was punctual, so was the rector, Prof Dr Syed Arabi!! they were there at 5 sharp! i have never liked the idea of the VVIP waiting for guests!! it’s just disrespectful. but what can i say? the VVIPs had to wait till around 5.15, (and the VVIPs had a flight to catch at 7.30) only when some of the assiiumers arrived did the event started. but alhamdulillah, people started coming in and the seats were full.

well, it’s a simple event, it’s done and over with, and alumni could get on with their other agendas.

my part, i did the calling @ following up with the organizations and sad to say, most of them did not receive the invitation to the event, so everytime i called an organization, i had to repeat everything, what-when-where and only to get an answer that their boss/president were overseas or had meetings or attend another function! and i think the invitations were sent late, and come onlah, no need by post, i think the organizations prefer fax or emails. and i just don’t have the patience doing the calling. and the excos of alumni, hmm, i respect them as the more experienced, but even then, we are never free from making mistakes.

well, seri, hello to the real world!!

The Rector, Prof Dr Syed Arabi & Deputy Rector, Ust Hamidon

endnote: i asked the new excos about their pre-orientation with the new students, and then i saw them sitting with the alumni exco at the end of the launch, and in the back of my heart and mind, i was thinking, it used to be me doing those. i actually missed it. i almost went to the pre-ori, salman did say ok, and i almost walked to the excos group just now, but i had to stop myself. this is their time, their chance. not mine.
it’s hard to believe that I’M NOT BUSY!!

haha, i have a new song to hummmmm all day long and it’s none other than my favourite indo band of all PETER PAN!!! and it somehow strike a chord in me but what’s best, it has a catchy tune to it, not slow melloww.

The event which we had been planning for eons have been realised!!! The SECRET GARDEN was a success! Thank yous to the committees for their hardwork and participation.

I had been very nervous earlier that morning but my mother and brother who’s tagged along were very supportive. The sky was actually very grey…..but there’s only a light drizzle and Alhamdulillah, the weather was on our side! no rain, but no heat either. the powers from above~

There were only 16 children from Darul Ma’wa, some committees were there to ‘fetch’ the children while there’s the rest of us who waited at the garden. and most unexpected turnout was that 80% of the children were boys!!! he home ‘gave’ us the children who were not having any activities on that day. well, we can’t be choosers.

Alhamdulillah, despite the difficulty to control the boys, [yang tak nak join, yang banyak bercakap, yang terlalu kecik kena buli, yang active, yang helpful, yang ‘pandai,’ wooi, banyak betul kerenah!]

we managed to conduct the games, though, we only played three games(earthquake – a real ice breaker!!, cocoon and moving petals -semangat betul berjalan atas kertas!! siap dukung kawan lagik!!), we had to opt out two games because of time constraint.

and there was the short sketch by the facilitators, on expressions, the children enjoyed them, (entah paham entah tidak adik2 tu~ yang penting, ada yang ketawa, maknanyer pahamlah jugak kan)

and there was a short talk by this brother from pergas named hafiz about trusting oneself and Allah. I really hope the children understand the moral of the story. because i can see the children are really troubled and now i really see the hurt and anger that must have been bottled up inside their hearts and minds. my empathy for them.

gratitudes to the committees for all the hardwork!! it is an event to remember, coming from the heart to give a little smile to the children. it’s worth it. may Allah bless us all.

thanks to mom for being there, happy birthday mak!!! we’re secured you’re there.

berpelukkan nampaknyer!!

dan kakak2 dan abang2 riang!!

1/2 of the committees who stayed to clean up

while the other 1/2 sent the children back to darul ma’wa

heh, never realised that this song of fort minor’s a somewhat sound therapy for me.
listening to fave songs while blogging~ THIS IS HEAVEN! doing this at home, able to dengar lagu kuat2 takde orang sebelah menyebelah yang menjenguk2 because 70% of my songs are all shouts and noises (scenario at the computer labs, kalau tak, volume on at level 2 lah sey….

there’s a few things needed updating for the sake of my own memorabilias…

ANNUAL GRAND MEETING 07
it passed and am no longer the vice president of beloved assiium. thus the slash on it on my bio —->

aaahhhh, the sweet feeling of no longer on the frontline, and was able to savour the taste of being a follower for the past week. it felt like i had passed on the ‘burden’ to another. am clear headed. am relieved. but a voidness somewhere in me.

but anyway CONGRATULATIONS(even though it’s belated) to the new excos of assiium year 07/08!!! drumrolls please …. hmmm, excos, am i allowed to write out the names here?? or should i not? mintak izin lagik kat excos~

But anyway, am truly happy to every one of the excos. this is your chance to show what you are made of! there’s nothing glamorous about it, it’s all about hardwork!! there will be a lot of challenges, but as i may have said it, jangan takut dengan cabaran. believe in the powers above. i was not the best of excos, but i believe you guys and girls will be much better. learn from the weaknesses and the mistakes of the past.

the most difficult times that i faced had to be those times when having to prioritise, assiium and mrc, add those to the assignments and tests. but alhamdulillah i got through them. i don’t know how i did it. seriously. but i was just trying to do the best. giving my whole heart, mind and body to the things i had to do. it’s hard, sometimes stressful, and my mind was always thinking and thinking, my own brain drain….but i took it all in and enjoy every moment of it. i guess am fortunate that calmness is in me. as long as you are willing to commit, believing in THIS IS WHAT ALLAH WANTS ME TO DO. and maybe, just maybe, this small thing that i did, might change for a betterness. worries, anger, disappointment…those are eventual ingredients. you can hardly escape from it. learn to listen, be wise and thoughtful. i said it time and again: ASSIIUM is not about you and me, but all of us. but still, you can’t always make everybody happy. that you have to take in with an open mind.

by the way, meeting minutes and reports are important. be serious about it. oh one more thing, jangan suka banding tugas atau kesibukan, kalau ada test, cakap ada test, but don’t sound like you’re the only person in the whole world who’s having a test. ALL of you are students. and beratnya tugas tidak ada pengukurnya.

to the excos 07/08 : insya Allah you can do it. am here to help you, no trouble. but believe me, you won’t need me past the first month of you guys being an exco!! you’ll do well, doesn’t matter that you have to start from scratch, this is where you make the first step. always be willing to learn from others, ASSIIUM is not what you say, but what WE say. ALL THE BEST for your journey!! we wouldn’t have choose you if we didn’t think you can do it!! don’t disappoint us~

never get personal things come in between. it had been really hard for me. but i had to bear it. whatever, ikhlas is the keyword. kalau kita ikhlas, lautan duri pun sanggup direnangi!! walaupun ada jarum tertusuk di jari, terpaksa kan bertahan luka di hati. aisey man..melayu nah~

a short tribute to the excos 06/07, as i did not get the chance to really say it to you guys.

to R & W secretariat @ Suli aka Aili : i was so happy to get the chance to work with you cuzzin!!yours were always vibrant and enthusiastic, your lively anticipation was encouragement to all of us and there was sincerity in all you did. you were great. if i had the power to decide, i would want YOU to stay another year as an exco.

to Secretary @ Aisyah Spec : i am always amazed at your commitment towards assiium, with you also being the president of psycsta. running from one meeting to another meeting and never wanting to miss any assiium meetings if you could help it. your dedication should be a model to the new excos. and the blue hat of the meeting? always telling us to return to the subject at hand whenever we were going a bit off. i had some experience working with other secretaries in progs and societies, and for all the expectations that i had, i take my hats off you.

to Financial Controller @ Qadar : seriously you could have done better. but i guess you tried your best. tears can never solve things.

to HR secretariat @ Loy : you have your priorities but you’re willing to learn, you have great ideas! and good job with Reflection! now that you’re going to, more or less, lead the excos 07/08, show more of your dedication. am saying it again, assiium not about you and me, but WE. if thinking ‘mine is hard,’ then it would be hard on others too. WE have dreams too. share experiences.

to Secretary 1 @ Fadiah : i kind of guess who you are going to be in exco 07/08, but my guess may be wrong. Fadiah, believe in yourself, you are better than me and you have my respect, even though i have high expectations, i guess it’s wrong of me to do so. you have to feel being an exco, and it does not depend on others, but ourselves. if i don’t let myself be in it, then who will? initiative is the works! you will do great. maybe there’s a reason why you’re given another year as an exco.

to the brothers >

self dvlpmt @ Izhar : worked with you again. i kind of had to learn to not see you as the president and you keep forgetting i was NOT the secretary anymore. but we’re good huh. despite the downs, you are a leader. respects to you bro! finch and the used – forever!

and last but not least

to brother president @ haron : it’s been good working with you. your speeches were inspiring. the way you think were amazing. and you really care about assiium. i hope i’ve been a great help to you and sometimes i talked too much, but really, i thank you for the support you gave all the way. and am proud to call you as the president. it really is an honour working with you. i think we made a great team.

really, i am so fortunate to be working with you guys. no word of thanks is enough.
so i guess, i’ve talked much. well wishes to all.

(betterness? i never seen this word before….hmm, memandai je tau aku ni, my penchant to self create a word)