am not supposed to be here at the itd lab, am supposed to be rushing to go back to singapore and this can actually wait till am back home. but i just had to capture the moment!!

it’s 4.59 pm and am from my very LAST FINAL PAPER and life as an undergraduate. (truly, at the back of my mind is praying that i got through those two arabic papers!) had my LAST FINAL PAPER at the great MAIN HALL, CAC. seated at the very front near the middle of the hall. usually won’t be my fave place for exam seats, but i rather appreciate that frontness today. and when the examiner announced my course code, and instructed that the students from the first section (which was mine) to hand in the exam booklet, the enthusiastic me was first to get up… first person to get out of the hall…and be greeted by the call of Asr. i’m breathing it all in…..

song playing in my head…a happy nice song!! thanks to yun for the recommendation.
http://media.imeem.com/m/susAl2Ef3J/aus=false/

i had just mentioned how the family was happy to receive a new addition to the family. Little did we know, we are losing a member of the Ali clan. my aunt, mak ngah, departed faithfully in calmness and tranquility on monday night 28th May 2007. my cousin kak lina and her husband drove me and aili to pak ngah’s family house at Cheras. i regret procrastinating to visit them, and was just planning to do so this weekend. i guess Lord has fulfilled this wish. i could still imagine her smiling face with her specs and her frailness. i went to visit despite having class that morning, and despite receiving a reply from my lecturer saying that there’ll be a test the next day, which will touch on the day’s lesson. i will have bear the guilt forever, being here near pak ngah and family, and not visiting them at this most needed time. i know she knew we were there.

(Lord has helped me indeed, had a short discussion with my groupmate that very night, her explainations brief and simple, had the test next day, got the results today, and found out that am among the few who got second highest, my gratitude to my groupmate, and who would have thought??)

counting the days: 11 more days to go. one paper on the 8th, and another on 11th which is the first day of the exam week = my last day of exam. my very last final paper.

AGM on Monday, i honestly can’t wait who will be the next exco. ASSIIUM, not just about you and me, but a whole generation and a commitment to always let it be alive.
not kids alive or teens alive but ASSIIUM ALIVE! hehe (kak zubed may like the sound of this).

had a programme last night, a collaboration with the counseling department. and the organizer was gratified and awed with the turnout that we had to order more food because the participants who came were more that we had expected. thank you to the sisters who came. may Allah bless you all and may you benefit from the talk. for the record, the most sought after lecturer from the psychology department, Br Harris Shah was the speaker. maybe he’s the attraction himself. haha.

is that it?? i think this is all for now.

endnote; guys kind of sucks for the moment, especially for those having a rough time. i mean they just sucks. am becoming more unsure and just scared to be in a whatever ——–ship with any of them. i need some kind of petunjuk from the powers above to give me a sign, for i am so not ready. despite my age. SCARED la sey! and yeah just nak comment jer…. guys definitely lookout for the pretties and the pinkies and the skirties, can i say the booties?? guys like girls who thinks guys singing songs tahap maxxxxnyer slow oh so cool…… it’s just a comment. tak paham ar!! cam bingit jugak ar!

but like Qzai said in her blog, there’s always a balance in life. i’m added here and you are divided there, and lets play the maths of life.

i’m into greens and blues, i have no problem with pink but i would die if every living and non-living things around me are pink. unpretty but survived for lord has given this gift of life. i lurvve wearing pants!! u will rarely see me in a skirt. and top on the list are noisy punk rock emoistic songs. tak boleh carry ah lagu slow sangat. dengar jer lagu jiwang rock melayu nangis cipan, tapi tak payah slow sangat ah! guitars and drums are the works you know!

note: i’m sure none of my girls are as above. i don’t mean any of you. though pardon me if it’s offensive.

lord.. the posts from fellow bloggerers (u won’t find this word in a dict, something i made up) have been about graduating and leaving assiium and iiu as a whole. tahu tak macam nak nangis tau baca blog korang!! i have never imagined that leaving iiu would be a teary and melancholic period. am left with 15 more days!

insya ALLAH, i will always be here for all of you. am an email, an sms, away from you. hope you girls will remember me always.

but anyway. congratulations to my pretty pretty cousin AILI on her engagement with Md Norazreen – the new addition to the Md Ali clan!! am so proud of you girl. may it lasts forever. Amiin. read over to her blog for the colourful details~

the farewell dedicated to graduating students had passed. and that included me as one of the graduating students. it’s finally it…semi-literally. mary! we’re graduating laa! haha

it’s been a LONG way, isn’t it? three and a half years seem like a short time, but i admit i have been through A LOT! like all those programmes i involved in, especially the ummatic weeks. helping around with the booth and the girls’ performances. the night to let your hair out! the cultural dances and we, working towards it- the dance steps and just the right songs for them. imagine, NONE of us could dance (except for fiza,haha) but we made it!! most memorable ummatic week – semester 1, 2004/2005 (the hip-hop dance + the bollywood dance = fantastic mix of dances).

ASSIIUM closest at heart. no matter how hard it gets, no matter how busy it can get, it’s the closest thing at heart away from home. ‘managing’ assiium is one of the BEST opportunities i had had and i never regret every single moment spent on it. the great programmes, my fave moments- thinking for a cool title for each and every programme haha. being able to help assiiumers, especially the juniors, in the smallest possible way was a pleasure. i just lurrve assiium ah. am not forced into assiium, it’s a willing commitment. MRC, there were moments of glories and which taught me the real world. an honour indeed to be part of it.

the days and nights with the girls. irreplaceable memories. i could hardly move on without you girls. the thought of having the girls around, and knowing that i could spend hours talking with them, or just listening to their stories, their jokes and laughters, it made me SANE. birthday surprises (which were expected somehow ;P), weekend movie marathons, the favourite songs-game we played when there’s nothing else to do, or the UNO games, and how could anyone forget the VIDEOS we produced?? there were the lunches at HS, dinners at…hmm… HS, and the lunches & dinners at mahallah halimah, pasar ‘lamam’ on wednesdays, night sessions by the stairs(especially the night with the tikars)!!library-study mates during exam weeks, oh yes, soccer nights especially during the world cup!!! + the most anticipated game of the year= SINGAPORE VS THAILAND and all my girls were in that small tvroom at Asma’ + the pizzas! in verbatim, JUST BEING WITH YOU GIRLS. need i say more?

the lessons. priceless. studying and learning. a passion.

despite the downs at IIUM, am going to miss the place.
see?? am admitting that now. i wouldn’t say the same three years ago!! haha.

cheh!! now i know what is up with the movie the EYE 2~
buat penat tengok..rupa-rupanyer ending nyer gitu~
nanti citer ah~

for all the times that i have been through in this rather short period, since the last post…well, i found myself speechless and unable to comprehend certain things. a friend said in an email that the few months before graduation is a crucial transitional period. i guess i’m going through that period. anxious to finally …..i can’t find the right word to say it, graduate? complete studying? finally be an intellectual academic person? what? and still, bearing this sad feeling of leaving it all.

the days i had been through, the tears and laughters. i had conversations with my juniors, and it finally hit me then, that THIS IS IT. all the experiences. amazing.

but really at this moment, am in some mode where i can’t seem to express my self well now. there’s just A LOT going through my life. it is a time for wise decision. a time which challenges me for bearing the responsibilities. please help me Lord. Life is hard.

a week had passed by with me being as static as can be. short semester is, at the moment, an ultimate bore(king)dom!!
classes in the morning, and nothingness at noon, add that up to the holiday last thursday for the coronation of the Agong here. oh yeah, that’s not the last of it, two more holidays for Labour day and Vesak day, ie tomorrow and the day after. yey! baik tak payah start kelas dulu kalau asyik nak public holiday je!!! just when you’re getting the rhythm of studying, you had to make a emergency halt. heh, not so much the kazillion things that i thought i have to do!! (maybe not yet~)

tv at the lounges at mahallah, my mahallah that is, are not working, except for one, which is literally controlled by those who has the remote control! ie, no ‘queen control,’ no tv! so i have been hanging out at aili’s room, for vcds and games, other than that, just the need to have people around (turkish roommate never at home). and saviour kak sarhani invited us to her house for the weekend. for movies and three tubs of ice cream!!! watched vcds/dvds (jangan pandang belakang, with ghost- counters qabil khusry qabil igam, wild hogs, the prince and me) and whatever it was on tv (seriously couch potatoettes!!) till our head spinned. JPB is THE scary movie. whoever is the unlucky actor/actress who got the role of that ghost?? i really pray for him/her. other than the unfeeling twin sister character, the story is a bloodcurdling- hair-raising- spooky- intimidating and scream tendency malay movie. we got tired of having to close our eyes and always expecting some shadow or hairy unfaced lady appearing/crawling at the back or some corner. i have to stop talking about it, it’s haunting my memory now. shudder~ and there was QKQI, another most unexpected malay movie ever!!! who could have known that the movie which started out as some teenage cute funny flick could have an end of tears and heartbreaks, and oh yeah, gunshots??!! Me, aili and za seriously did not expect the unexpected that right after the movie ended, we were just speechless. oh well, this is not a post for movie-critics!!

ok, can’t be too long in blogger, i have to mention that my results are great, despite the supposedly killer lecturers i had last semester. i got excellent grades with them!!! Thank the Lord! except for one or two Bs or B-s, am absolutely gratified, satisfied with the results. better once in a lifetiime, than never at all, right zaimah?? ; )

will be going back to IIU in a few hours’ time. mixed feelings as usual. going back to IIU do not only mean classes (i don’t mind the classes and the learning), but the programmes and some kazillion things need to be done. how many is kazillion?? i have no idea! hmm, i don’t think it’s a word either. haha

back to what i was saying. the things i have to do for mrc and assiium. it’s kind of a drag to have to do those things, like i’ve had enough of them, but at the same time, i enjoy doing it. i don’t know. it’s the anxiety of facing a new semester. many things can happen~ wish me all the best.

IT IS MY LAST SEMESTER, after all.

the world of speaking using your fingers. it makes me think how humans are supposed to be talking face to face instead of typing your views in the virtual world. there is always the tendency to misunderstand people through words. on the other hand, some people just don’t know how to be more tactful when they are letting out their views. like WILL THIS MAKE ME ANGRY???!!! or will this make me angry? you judge. can you deny that inner feeling of how you give meaning or tone to these otherwise emotionless words? come on it’s just words. come on it’s just words!! come on it’s just words?? come on it’s just words~ i can almost hear you talking. that’s artificial intelligence for you.

i was reading the emails from assiium yahoogroups and an issue was brought up (about the salaries of islamic studies grads). it definitely was a good topic if some people could actually be polite about it!! some people make me puke. and it’s not even the first time this same some people forgot to be intellectual and speak like one. they came out like some anak metropolitan spewing rebellious hatred and anger. and there was the LACK of RESPECT on other people’s opinions. what is up with them?? where is the cultured and wisely conversing graduates? heck, let’s not just say graduates, but anyone regardless of their status.

it is a materialistic and hedonistic world. that morality is now at the very end of the backseat. what i fear most. moral voidness.