let’s have a ‘look’ at my oh-so-cozy and not so girlish abode.

at this moment it’s so unfit to be called a ladies room. books everywhere. all kinds of bags, belonging to three very different ladies, lying around. dressing table : horrendous. soft toys, bears, dolls : uncared for. waredrobe? let’s keep THAT a secret. i’ve taken the habit of taking off my specs before going to my room, for the very reason, that if i have them on, i will CLEARLY see every single mis-detail and realise the chaoticness of the room! now if i don’t put on my specs, i don’t see the details!

now, don’t get me, or us, wrong. we are very particular with our things. the three of (me and my sisters) have somewhat a corner of our own for our belongings. and we seriously don’t like the mess at all!!

but the whole week have been particularly hectic. me with my job and my running around to meetings. and if you recall, i DO NOT have a whole day off, not even on weekends. i go off at 7 am, i’m home at 7 pm, or much later. and then still continue doing things. and at the same time keeping an eye on the kitchen (very important place not to be dirtied), do whatever needed to avoid the shouts. haha.

and Siti is busy busy busy with floorball. and Nuri is busy busy busy with NPCC.

we are so going to clean up our room on chinese new year break! we cannot stand it anymore!!

oh by the way, i’ve been reading Karen Armstrong’s Islam : A Short History. and i recalled vaguely of a claim which said that the book is a Shi’i book or something. i really don’t know where i got that from, i just remember the gist of it, but not sure who said it or where i found it. but that’s beside the point.

i agree the book do mention Shi’i quite a lot. really. and i’m starting to believe that maybe armstrong is sympathetic towards the Shi’i or she really mean to write about them or whatever her reason is. but then i started to realise, how this side of history was almost untold of. i recall being taught of the history very briefly though in sirah books. i learned their doctrines but i somehow missed out on certain aspects. my knowledge on shi’ism stopped immediately after the death of saiyidina Ali r.a, well them tracing their emergence right before that. i just thought we never really know their side of the story, aren’t we? maybe i was historically ignorant, i admit that. we do have some very wide differences. we do. theologically and legally. but at the end of the day, we still believe in Allah, don’t we?

hmm, i lost it. i didn’t bother to strike a conversation with a lecturer and ask about this. too late, seri. but then, there’s still that group of ustaz-s i’m working with…

well, my thoughts keep coming back to saiyidina Ali. how he must have been thinking, or felt, when all the conflicts came up. being a young man, appointed as the caliph, only to clean up where saiyidina uthman left off. already at a troubled period. and then a group came up, claiming to champion his place as THE righful caliph, that his three predecessors shouldn’t take place. it was his right from the start. he didn’t want that. he don’t need to be elevated to such a position.

now let’s recall, ali was the Prophet’s cousin and son-in-law. he was the closest child to Rasulullah in his early years, the first muslim child. practically stood beside Rasulullah throughout his life. learning first hand from the Prophet. he stood up for the Prophet, on his so called deathbed, how brave a young man, willing to stay, knowing he was surrounded by enemies. he must have love Rasulullah all his heart. he must have been grieving still even after years the Prophet departed. what must have been his thoughts when he saw the ideal ummah built up by Rasulullah tumbling into conflicts, one after another. how must he felt, battling against the people he knew most of his life, as his family? going against the lady he respected most for being the Prophet’s wife? he didn’t want that to happen, would he? is he hurt? is he scared? worried? desperate? unable to resolve the problem when so many people are expecting him to do the right thing.

and if he was alive, and had known how his sons died. would it not break his heart terribly?

there’s many ways to prolong this melancholy. but i won’t indulge. we have taken things for granted. as a sunni, i have neglect to understand history. i might have been one sided all this way. and you call yourself a thinker?

lessons to be learnt, people.

——————————
last note:
thank you for accompanying
even though it was rather last minute
even missing out a celebration with friends
even staying late in school just because
even when not feeling that well
even when you should be rushing for your brother’s leave
heck, thank you for the map
even though i did not need it
simply because you chose to be there

too good to be true? a friend in need is a friend indeed they say.
thank you.

“….always, all ways, i wanted us to be, always, all ways, you and me….lalalala” (always all ways by lostprophets)

always, allways, your head ah!! you got stuffsss to do, and still want to sing ah??
then there’s heroes on star world. how can there be so many people with powers all over the world?? tak faham ah! ok,ok So many distractions! i got a list of things to complete before the clock strikes 12! run, lola run!

and then my fingers itching to blog, even though there’s, really, nothing much to talk about. well, blogging using my acer gemstone iiissss tempting.

my heart goes to Indonesia, losing a historical figure, the one person who has put Indonesia on the modern world map. seems like leaders of the past are truly leaving now. when mm lee commented that he had come to visit an old friend, and made a plea to the indonesians to forgive the late suharto. it was kind of touching. they were the leaders of the past and the witnessed history changing right in front of their eyes. and being politically ignorant, i have to say that just maybe, mm lee, tun mahathir and suharto shared a strong past that binded them, despite their differences. it must have felt like losing a close friend. and a sign that even their days are counted. somehow, i’m affected.

i guess am going to be rather alone tomorrow at work, most of my close colleagues are having courses outside~ what a drag~

ok seri get moving!

in fact, i’m on wireless, using this very new, fresh and off-the-shelf smell, at the comfort of my living room!! heaven~ didn’t get the chance to own one during uni years- when you’re at the peak of needing it, but that’s ok, that’s in the past. i have one now, and it really will be a great help for my work, my teaching, the projects. i’m so on the run!!!

it’s a motivation for me to complete all these projects lining up!! haha.

on sidetrack. i did not think i did well teaching this y.a class. i know i could have done better, but i guess i wasn’t prepared enough. can’t help it, some of the students are just few years younger than me. and history has never been my expertise. i couldn’t state dates, i couldn’t give them a more detailed information. it affects me because it’s making me realise how stupid i can be sometimes.

i don’t know what i know.

missing the girls.

thanks to my sister, this song is stuck to my head now….
nice music. not knowing much about this band, i just hope they are not gay.
it’s worrying how these so called ’emos’ are going gay-homo. guys falling in love with guys, and not to say the lesbians! could be worst! and they start young these people. and emos have been stereotyped as a suicidal lot.

so is it the songs which peer pressured these people to join in the in-group, it’s music and culture, even? or the song genre did no harm, but the sensationalisation of the media, MTV, concerts? does MTV play a part in this, anyway?

you know i never think about these things before, even though i listen to these songs, i never really thought of the influence or its culture. more of ‘so what’ attitude. i didn’t think it’s a harm listening to them songs. but when one of my students described himself as ’emo’, and knowing he’s vulnerable to the influences, it gets me to thinking. i wanted him to know, he can listen, but he does not have to comply all those influences, he doesn’t have to dress like them emos, he doesn’t have to talk like them. he just needs to be he. will he believe me?

presenting, Monsoon.

“……
Running through the monsoon
beyond the world
to the end of time
where the rain won’t hurt
fighting the storm
into the blue
and when i lose myself i think of you
together we’ll be running somewhere new
and nothing can hold me back from you
through the monsoon
just me and you
……”

what does revisits, traditions and civilisations have in common?
they are the three things very much dominating my mind, body and soul at this period of time. when i’m not thinking of revisit, i’ll be thinking of traditions, and when i’m not thinking for these two, i’ll be reading up for civilisations. hiyya!! worst than being an undergraduate! hahaha. but as i’ve said before, being busy keeps me moving, and thinking…. the very momentum i’ve been missing. reading, teaching and sharing these knowledge is satisfying, but at the same time, it makes me feel, i could have done better, i could have teach them better. and i want to do the best i can. but teaching..i tell you…is an art~
all is well.

counting to wednesday/thursday!! :)) i don’t want to be so excited, but i can’t pretend i’m not. even though it may turn out to be like ” lerrr tu ajerrr??” kind of respond from other people, but this is important to me. no one knows about this except me, and parents. hahaha!^*$#@)9(87!! and it’s just so fated~

by the way, Teach, i still haven’t finish reading Bila Tuhan Berbicara, i had to keep it aside because of these other projects i had to do. pardon me, it’s your personal copy of FT’s book somemore, felt bad about keeping it long. and the book is so scary i just had to stop sometimes. i couldn’t continue reading it with my mind imagining tsunamis and volcanoes. just scary.

another new and happy day. i’m counting.

when i was going through an infatuation, i told myself, once i knew something about this object of infatuation, which will automatically ends this infatuation (which it did), it will also mean something else. something which i might have been denying all this while, pushing and pushing away, until it came and went, and i’m starting to believe that i had been in the wrong. and aili, your dream still haunted me. i know i don’t have to. but it did. i just don’t know where to start.

but hey….no time to think about this. let’s read up some notes on islamic history and how it came to Southeast Asia!!!!

i cannot wait for wednesday/thursday!!! it’s going to be a special day, one which i have been waiting for so long! hahahhaha. 😉
serious tak sabar. kwang3x

alhamdulillah, the past week was a good one. even though i had to run around from one meeting to another, i am still alive and breathing at this moment. haha. i would like to keep it that way. busy keeps me moving and thinking, of real stuff. and the people i have met, are people of vast knowledge and experience. i really am on the quest i’ve been wanting to embark. 2008 sounds exciting after all!!

and by the way, weekend was great because there was HEROES SEASON 1 Marathon, on Star World!! had my dose of heroes for hours. sampai pening tengok!

talking of which, i have to send out a report, right about now. aaaarrrwwwww.
ni semua heroes punya pasal. hahah