Here’s something from one of the posts in bulletin board in Friendster. Something to do with Celtic astrology but the funny thing was it’s based on trees…how is that???
My birthday falls 14th July which is somehow related to the fir tree and it says this about me:
FIR TREE (Mysterious) – extraordinary taste, dignity, sophisticated, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to them, rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious, uncontested lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.
And yeah most of it is quite me except for that ‘many foes,’ haven’t see them yet and I hope I won’t have any.

So today, nothing much going on, except for the things that needed to be done for this Forum programme. Letters completed, alhamdulillah. Speakers….so far two of them seemed confirmed, lots of calling to do, something that I dread but no excuses~

Today was Add/drop period for second year students, I’m now taking 7 subjects and 1 CCA. Initially I wanted to stay at six subjects but then I found out that I can take 7, so after a little thought, since I can take 7, so why not?? I know it’s going to be hard, furthermore, I’m involved with programmes, but I”m giving it a try. I’ll do my best, Ratu-Romo!! And two more days to go to Semester One 05/06!!

I’m one week earlier than the rest, before the semester starts and it’s for the beloved I’MEC 05 programme I’m involved in…. and the truth is, I did not regret having to be back in campus early…meeting all the nice and cool people again, I kinda miss the people involved in I’MEC during the hols. And it’s fun being with them. And the most important thing is, I have something to do here!! Back at home, all I did was watch TV and played games whole day long….ok, I did some chores but still…..I watch TV more!! What a blissful ignoramus life indeed. But I like being busy….only at the moment, I’m still at a blur of the things that I left here, a lot of catching up and getting the busy vibe, and I have yet to clean up my room!

I checked my results yesternight and alhamdulillah, I got A- for my Intro to Psych and B+ for my Social Stratification which was a HUGE relief because of that worriness over losing 13 marks for mistaken answers!! And I’m also relief that even though I had been busy throughout the whole of semester 3, I managed to get good marks for the exams, maybe it’s because both the subjects are in English, not to say my English is good, but if it had been Arabic subjects, less probability of getting an A and B, but then again, I think I can still manage either way. Whatever. And now I’m so ready to go for classes and make myself indulge in books again. I’m actually hyped and eager to go to classes~ I can say that semester 3 had seen some of the better days. Adit, interfaith dialogue, i-mec, presentations, assignments, lessons, motivational camp, confidence, responsibilities, and ok, guys. A different perception towards guys, that is. That now I realise that a pretty face doesn’t guarantee near perfection and that personality plays a better role for the x-factor. (And the only and the first ever guy, a senior, that I have much admiration to, not crush, is taken, which is kinda sad). I have friends and they all change my way of looking at people and the most hardest thing would be to not judge a book by its cover. I’m still learning at that. Everywhere and everyday is learning learning learning. But I love it. I love this gift of life.

And oh yeah, another thing to point out: All the good guys are taken, it’s always like that~ if they are not, then there’ll be a queue for them and they treat everyone the same, so that you won’t know which might be a special to him. And it’s just not me to be among those who run for the attention from a guy. Good guys or not, I’m grateful to have friends of diversity and I admire my seniors and truly sad that this semester, most of them would be graduating!! And at that, I’m sad and afraid of losing the memories that I had with them. The journey of life, you walked, you saw, you remember and when you looked back, they are out of sight and the pain of remembering them and of no turning back, no reversing of time, it makes me more grateful of what I had seen and living what I live. Thank you God.

I went back to Singapore for the weekend plus one and a half weekdays. I am so out of it, ‘living’ here for one whole month, and amongst the business still, I left and went back!! So proud of myself for doing that haha. And so I spent my days fully with my family, which was somewhat a refreshing therapy, and a newly found love in Need for Speed Underground 2!! Went shopping with my family and bought new dresses..which I love! And eat good delicious food (the thought of it is making me real hungry now!!) And cuddling Wyte!! Miss him already~

So I am now feeling more up to life and facing my exams whole heartedly. One just now – Bahasa Melayu Nusantara II and hoping that I did well in it. I truly hope for even though it’s non-credited but I still wouldn’t want a C or D in my result slip. It just wouldn’t look nice~

And the whole afternoon I had been running around from one office to another, so many tasks waiting for my attention….and did most of them, Alhamdulillah…and now one more last task for the day- review for a theatre that I went which was supposed to be handed in last week but I got excuse from the lecturer and I am trying to finish it today!!

Second post for the day. Thank God, I have finished my social stratification presentation!! And I actually found some cool pictures to replace those flashes. Now, feeling hyped and ready to present the best.
What’s it all about? Stratification in psychic gratification. Psychic gratifications includes love, security, peace of mind, optimism about the future and happiness. So my group are trying to present to the class on the real thing that’s happening to people who are HIV positive, ex-convicts and juvenile teenagers. So we hope to potray how the society has view these people negatively and that we should actually give them a second chance.

So yeah, I’m ready to go!!

I have a presentation this Wednesday, and seriously not having anything concrete to present. At the moment, my mind is somwhere else, not really concentrating to find anything to do about ex-convicts. There’s some cool sites with Flash, but those Flash couldn’t be saved so I do not know what else to do!! And I guess I have no mood, really, to present. I’m just too tired and I want to go home but that have to wait till 23rd of June.

One more week to go to final exams. I wish I can write something happy and refreshing but, again, I have no mood. No mood even to eat though I am hungry right now. No mood for discussion, but that will start in 15 minutes…

Help me Lord…

Had been busy for the past few days. Had to do reports and reviews of movies and tests and last but not least, a presentation coming up next week!! Alhamdulillah, days fully filled, aka no wasting time but nevertheless, I’m no perfect and there are so many things that I might have forget….so many things had to be checked proper and detailed and I had to keep up with people. Hoping that my Lord would help me give me the strength and faith to live this life, especially when some people start to talk behind backs and giving faces when I do not think that I deserve this. For a mere joke, people start giving me sarcastic remarks and perceptions. And the shitty thing was, it always happened during programmes. Whenever there’s a programme going on, they start making petty issues. And I do not know how to react!!! I need my Ratu and Romo and my Wyte and my brothers and sisters. I so need the time out. I have so many things to do, things to accomplish, things to remember and people are just giving me the shits. Lord, please help me~ Please help me do the right thing and say the right word and give the right attitude. Lord, please help me. Can I just be blind to people who had always tried my patience and limits. Can I just be blind to people who are always trying to find fault and blaming me for petty emotions. YOU have always showed me and let me learned from the people around me. So help me Lord.

Talking about happier things, well, it happened JUST now. There’s this senior who I kind of have a crush on. And he entered this lab, and of all the empty computers around, he chose to sit at the pc beside me!! Cute or what??!! And we talked. : ) And another thing was I finished the report!!

The name of the porgramme which the Sports Secretariat of IRK Society held last Saturday. I can’t say I enjoyed it that much. It was more tiring and exhausting that the feeling of enjoyment was lost. It was terrible, we had to go search from one checkpoint to another and the campus was no small place, for God’s sake!! Why I went?? Because of my EDU sect. chariperson, Abg Azhari and Tawfique, because of my cousin being one of the committee for the programme, because of friends being in the Sports. If they did not appreciate this simple thought, then they may have hearts made of stone. Because I did not enjoy the whole thing, and at the same time I was having this monthly woman sickness, and having to walk and run from one point to another was not an easy task for me that day. Well, all the same, congrats to my friends who organized the programme.

Later that day, I went to KLCC with Aili and Qadar, for a mere three pathetic pieces of pictures that I had to get for interfaith’s secretarial report. All the same, I think that was my first outing for this semester and I enjoyed it. I got to spend hours at Times, Tower Records and Kinokuniya. That was heaven to me. We met Eka and Anys in the evening. A very tiring day but I enjoyed the latter part of the day.

Yesterday we had the first meeting for Forum of I’ MEC ’05. Got to meet the sub committees and discussions for the forum aka informal opening ceremony. The story that I meant to tell here was an act of two friends who I thought was close enough and understanding and caring….but I guess I was wrong. Well, one friend was the vice president of the society and happened to be the advisor of this forum. Well, she was late for the meeting, but that didn’t matter much since she was only an advisor, and we couldn’t exchange words sicne she sat at the back, and I had to be at the front with the director since I was the secretary. Later during the group binding, we sat together, but still we couldn’t say anything to one another, except questions and answers about the forum. I noticed that she avoided eye contact. I don’t know why. And during the report session, I saw that she whispered to Abg Azhari that she’s going back, and I looked at her, trying to get eye contact, but no, she just went straight out the door, without a single say to me. And I turned to the window and saw another friend, who happened to be a co -chairperson in the society. They are best friends now I see. I didn’t think much at the moment since a committee was discussing his report. I thought that maybe these two friends would be at HS canteen, as usual, or at least, sms me. Stupid and Naive Me. No there were no messages from either of them. After the meeting ended, I thought of going to HS, but at the silence and darkness of campus, I couldn’t bring myself to walk to HS, instead went straight back home. I actually prayed that these two friends wouldn’t be angry at me for not looking for them. How stupid and naive.

I found out today from this v.president friend, that the both of them went straight back home!! The reason was they being tired!! OK, but without any word to me??!!! Like I’m nobody to them now?? Well, yes I am a nobody, I have no position in the society, right?? They couldn’t send a stupid little message to say they would be going back first?? They would rather leave me going back alone, in the silence and the darkness?? For a mere tiredness?? Like no one else was tired? I do not know how to react! But eventually my tears flowed as soon as I reach my room. They didn’t wait for me, no message whatsover, like I’m invisible. I guess I am. What am I to do?? Keep on living and faking smiles.

I have to say, after a long time abandoning my favourite place -this blog, that this semester three was the semester for me. I guess, this may be due to the programmes I had involved in and the classes I’m taking. And yeah, before I forget, I have not gone back for a whole month already!!!

It’s only the second week of the third semester and already I’m busy with classes, and presentations and assignments, add these to a programme I suddenly found myself in! Even though with only three classes, my time is amazingly full, and consider myself lucky that I get to escape online at this moment! I’m taking Bahasa Melayu Nusantara, Introduction to Psychology and Social Stratification, and all three was kind of heavy subjects. I have two presentations to prepare, that’s for BM and Soca Strat. Mid-term for Psych next Friday! Assignment for Soca Strat, to be handed in the next two weeks, and in between, organizing an inter-faith dialogue, which only have one week left for everything!! I am real nervous about it, because this dialogue is an important programme, and we don’t want to be embarrassing ourselves, there’ll be speakers of other religions from organizations, and the Rector will be coming. I am nervous about it!! I am the secretary II and equally busy as the first secretary!! But I know we can do it!

Amidst all this business, someone managed to actually make me guilty and shitty and in the end, I am forced to say sorry. He’s always right, and I’m always wrong. That’s the way it had always been and this stupid person don’t even realise that I’m hurt about everything!! He always want to be the victim!! And the thing is, I had enough of his games and I just don’t know what to do. It’s up to him!!

And the one thing that, I can say, makes me happy, is the thought of Adit. Even that….. I don’t know what to say, only in my dreams!!! But I really want to see him and tell him that I got B+ for my Fiqh Sirah, which was very unexpected. I want to talk to him. I want to see him. Again, only in my dreams~