Ok 3 more days of fasting….and then it’s Eid Mubarak aka Hari Raya!!! It seemed like time fly fast this time…I felt like I’d just fasted for like a week and it’s Eid in three days!! Went to Geylang Bazaar and was actually in a daze because the place was real crowded and I hated these crowds…it always managed to change a fine mood to a rather bleak one~ And then I realize that it’s only a few days away from Eid…No wonder the place was swarmed with people and time wasters..those who went to Geylang Bazaar not to shop but to show off-look out-wanderers.

I had been busy…went out with Ratu to buy the important things for the day and had been baking cookies and such and cleaning the house…it was fun but obviously tiring. But I only felt the tiredness last night. My whole body was aching.

And I had been waiting for a reply from a certain someone but it has yet to arrive….he doesn’t fail in making me think about him and just wondering what he is thinking and the fact that I don’t know what he really wants from me and that he’s so far away from home, from me and the stupid me just can’t stop!! Just stop thinking…it’s stupid if he doesn’t care at all!! Just forget it. The fuss with it!

If it’s meant to be..there’s nothing to worry…

And so it happened…The Hiking…at Bukit Timah…Tuesday 2nd November… with a pathetic quantity of participants which was good if we look at it ina different light. There’s only 19 of us.

Me and four others had been organising this event which was a choice chosen by the ‘honourable’ exco members and only pathetic 3 out 7 of them turned up. Can’t exactly say I’m ok with it well maybe a bit disappointed because they were supposed to come, compulsory for them~ And the people who said would come but at the very last minute cancelled them. Disappointed with all of them…. but 19 was a great company….less people less fuss less mess. And to think we had initially planned to bring along some kids from a orphanage…it was a blessing in disguise we cancelled that.

We assembled at Al-Falah at 1-2pm then a bus…freaking big bus with seats for more than 30 passengers I guessed and only 19 of us….wasted! But still a comfortable 20 minutes journey to Bukit Timah…and just nice…it rained, drizzling in fact. And the hiking was a new experience, the slope were real steep and going up was a real pain and difficulties. 15 mins of walk and we were out of energy…we were fasting of course….but as we used the jungle track, it was more interesting with trees all around us and the rain is cooling…I seriously felt like an ELF! Tolkien’s version of elves. Most of the track were steps and roots, big steps and huge roots and lots of earth and mud. And we reached the summit after two stops and almost an hour’s hiking. Performed Asr and played some cool effortless games for an hour’s rest. I think we all enjoyed it despite the tiredness, the leg cramps and the hunger and thirst. I truly enjoyed the whole thing even though I was not in a talking mode most of that day. I seriously was not in a talking mode…and well, other people ruled, whatever.

All the same I’m happy it went well. Does not matter what other people thought of it. Cool experience…Elven fantasies…I’m satisfied.

Haha a message from him at last!!! About time!! And he started it first…I mean, if before, it’s usually me who send an email to him first..but I managed to restrain myself from doing that and he sent one first! He said he’d feel guilty not sending one to me…hmmm where did that come from?? Why would he feel guilty?? Yeah I know he has a lot of unsaid things but he needs space, I’m giving him that. But still THANK GOD he emailed!! Can’t deny that’s what I’ve been waiting for and it did bring me a smile….

Is appreciating pink a sin???

Someone’s gone and there’s a void but what the heck….it’s not like the source of this pain cares…

Yes…I’m back home at last!!! Nothing feels the same as the euphoria of being back home to familiar missed faces and bedroom!!! And tv! I don’t know how I come to love tv so much but since most of my fave programmes are running now…call myself a couch potato….well it’s not for long anyway. There’s CSI!!! CHARMED…no matter how stupid they have become…And going out and wandering around town. It’s always some kind of refuge having to find peace in a crowd…it’s like nobody cares who you are or what you wear and I don’t have to worry about certain things. It’s a freedom getting away from books….to novels.

Yes!! I’m brain free. I just finished my last paper of exam an hour ago. And I go straight to this CC just to go online because I missed it already!!! BRAIN FREE. Two weeks of too much reading and memorising and too less sleep and not eating right I can finally breath and let go of my mind!! Since last Sunday, been struggling. I’m not saying I did very good and absolute As for my results but I guess I did better than the last time….well at least I did not have any nervous breakdown and I can actually remember what I’ve read, maybe because I did read beforehand and only leave the memorising parts till the last minute. Still, I don’t think I did my very best….what’s with the sick heart and mind wanderings and not understanding because there are subjects that I just couldn’t be bothered to open up and read….served me right but I did not voluntarily left any questions like I did before and attempted to answer no matter how stupid it may be.

Islamic Aqidah was not so hard for I can actually wrote and explained a few things in Arabic fairly well only I forgot verses from the Qur’an and Hadith when they asked for one. Intro to Fiqh, I can just hope for a pass, the questions were easy only I couldn’t explain, the words just wouldn’t come out and my Arabic is already so bad. Intro needs a lot of explaining and I was already drained out for Aqidah that morning. Yes, Aqidah and Intro to Fiqh exams on the same day. I didn’t sleep the whole night before and I think I would have blacked out if I wasn’t strong enough. I hope I will never get to do exams which fall on the same day!!! But we can never know but I promise myself if there is going to be another case of multiple exams per day, I must be totally ready for it and no more last minute readings whatsoever. I hated it to the core!!

Two days gap but I couldn’t really concentrate on my revisions because I got fever and my head was really not functioning at all. Headaches and heartaches. Studies of Hadith, Alhamdulillah easy questions and I memorised most of the terms so I hope for a good mark, Study of Quran, I was really slack reading it and not memorising well but I managed to answer and only one question that I leave, a 3 marks question and today…..Rise and Expansion of Islam.. I was seriously tired out and actually no mood at all to read anymore. Three days straight non stop exams and no proper sleep!! But since I’ve been reading history since I was in school I could remember most of the important events and I think I elaborated well and the feeling of getting to write in english was so refreshing…the last four papers were in Arabic, I love Arabic but I’m just not fluent in it yet and explaining in Arabic is seriously hard work for me. And saying that after 12 years in an Arabic school!!!I’ve promised myself to improve my Arabic next semester. Today’s paper was ok. I think I answered well….

So far so good. Nothing bad happened, not so much like the last semester. I’ll improve myself next semester!!!

And yes, amidst the stressness of exams trying so hard to concentrate on my studies….he left….last Tuesday and he only told like two days before that!!! I have so many stories to tell and a little thing to give….but he left…for Mesir. I don’t know why but I shamely cried when he told me he’s leaving through sms. It’s so damn stupid…I never cry before but I did now??!!! I don’t know, the tears just flow without force…I cried the whole day, stopping for awhile and then cried again. Damn stupid me…like he’s going to care….but it’s not like I ‘m going to tell him I cried!! He changed being more sober and he played silent games with me, ignoring my messages, but he said he’s sad that I said that….does he ever thought that I was sad too when he didn’t so much care for a little reply saying ‘hi’ to me?? Yes, he’s facing some hard times right now….but I care and he can’t compare me with his other friends…I’m me, not other people. He wanted space I understand. Just do what you like. He couldn’t call when he left like he used to….I know it’s expensive calling me across the straits. We said goodbye through sms. Stupid and lame. Of course he said he won’t forget me, well let’s see if he’s true to the words….I don’t think I’m going to make any move…I’m tired….too much thinking of him, I think I’ll rest now. Too much thinking of him…..

Amidst the business of exams, Muslims welcomed Ramadhan last Friday the 15th!!! Yeah, I had exams during the fasting month but I’m healthy and strong!!! Holy month and I hope I’ll change for the better…no more weird fantasies of the sorts and think of innocent beautiful things instead….yeah I did watch too many movies~

yeah Hoorey to me!! I made a ‘movie’!!!!

It’s some kind of promotion for this programme I’m organizing. It’s fun!!!!!

Gotta see it….

Echo

Close my eyes – Trapt