I managed to study for a few hours last night. That’s a great achievement you know, considering I was in my most lazy mode yesterday. All I want to do was eat, sleep or strumming my guitar trying to find a cool tune to sing to, oh gee I miss my reading, and not reading for lessons, I mean leisure reading, I miss reading fantasy novels, I miss reading investigative ones, I miss reading general books. I can’t wait for this semester to end, right after exams, I’m going to hit the library and read whatever books I can get hold of, aaahhh I miss the smell of new books…..scary.

Today, is a fine day….so far, it’s only afternoon now but my morning was ok except for one miscommunication with this female senior. I had informed her last night that I will be waiting for her at OR (Operation Room for IRKHS Students’ Society) to return her digital camera, it’s been a week already I kept her camera. So I went after class, 11 am, to be exact and she never came. And I am not one to wait for people, I don’t have the patience, I waited for like 20 minutes, messaged her that I’m in OR and waiting for her….could she please reply…no reply at all!!! I don’t know what’s up with the people here…they can’t even messaged for a few seconds.They would rather leave people hanging, waiting what’s to happen next! I can’t take it, I went back. I had to do my washing anyway, the sun’s out (it’s been raining heavily these few days). And here I am now, at cybercafe.

But what I really want to write was…I dreamt of my late grandma for the first time since I studied here and after for so long never dreaming of her. It was so sudden I don’t know what influenced my subconscious to dream of her. I guess she found me here. I couldn’t remember the dream clearly but I know it was early in the morning (because I opened my eyes and Miza’s room’s light was on, meaning she’s just back from Singapore), I was with my grandma in a seemingly crowded place….I could remember white surroundings, and a few greens. I was just there with my grandma, like when I was a child and going out with her to the park or something, I feel like I was a child in my dream, there’s only me and grandma but I know there’s other beings but I couldn’t remember seeing people. It was a nice place..all calm and tranquility. And that’s it. I woke up and managed to breath saying ‘I dreamt of grandma’, I had shower, got ready for class, and looking at the mirror, I had to cry thinking of that dream. I really miss my grandma. It’s been almost ten years since she passed. Even now, writing it, makes me go teary-eyed…but I’m in public, got to control myself. And add up to the sadness, I have two classmates who’s fathers passed away this morning…. I don’t want to think of something out of the ordinary….but that dream brings somekind of sadness in me. I’m happy to have met my grandma but just sad….maybe I missed her so much now. I wished I could go and hug her. Allah bless her.

Or maybe she came to my dream because I had been sad because someone don’t seem to give a damn about me..and I’m in this phase of trying to forget about certain things and she came to make me happy. Yes, she did make me happy. Even my late grandma cares about me!!

If he wants to keep on being quiet, well he can…and now I see who he really is, the biggest coward I’ve ever known.