well january certainly pass by very fast. the good thing is that i think i fare quite well this first month and there has yet to be any idle time at work. i worked hard.
the bad thing is that, i am exhausted. and when i mean exhausted, i need more time to recover which i do not have that luxury at the moment. because it seems everyday there is work to finish and accomplish. and february is no mercy either.

but with my weekly journal, i think i am more organized and less of those ‘i don’t know where to start!’ periods. it really really helps having these lists planning of my week day by day. and seeing them every day, makes me ‘pressured’ to complete them.

life a bit more exciting with the new home but struggling with some inner drama and emotions. honestly a struggle. because i lived 4 years plus staying in another’s home and finally having a home i can call my own, i dont think i will get the freedom or the privacy or the ownership i yearned to have. i feel like i have to suppress myself a lot and be the follower for so long. im a cancer, i need to be in solitary and independence and crave control. i cant have it in this current home and i expect to have it in the new place. because otherwise, i am going to be stuck in this same pattern of living which i am tired of. but being me, this is going to take time to just console myself. i will suffer heartache, i will cry alone. and then i hope i will get better.

all those nlp tools i am going to throw at myself for the time being.