Yeah it’s a fine sunday afternoon and I find myself having so much free time that I actually could spent half of the day watching tv and here I am now, at the internet room. Actually they call this place the cybercafe, but other than the computers, there’s nothing like a cafe here so I prefer calling it the internet room.

Euro2004 is on and I actually did watch a few matches together with my friends. Waking up at 2 in the morning just to watch some match between teams I have never known or even cared before. I have never been interested in soccer, all I know the ball has to go into the goal, I know there’s strikers and midfielders and defenders, everyone trying to be hero of the game….soccer is better left for the boys. Not that I don’t enjoy watching it, I do enjoy it very much, but which team wins mean nothing to me therefore I was intrigued by the way my friends reacted when their fave team win or lose. For example, when England lost to Portugal with from penalties, Mint and Qzai supported Portugal just because they dislike the England team while Qad is a die hard fan of England. I supported neither but thought that Portugal deserved to win the game…so Mint and Qzai was screaming happily and unintentionally sneered Qad, a bit too much I guess that Qad shouted in retaliation.

I was like, “wow, cool it guys, it’s just a game.” There, I could not understand their feelings when it comes to soccer. 🙂

The first week had gone pretty well. I realized I do have many friends that whatever bad happened last semester with some of the Singaporeans meant nothing to me now. I’m trying to forgive and forget. Let’s just take in the good things. The bad ones….it’s between them and the Lord…who am I to judge. I prefer to be on good terms with all of them. And I find out the Malaysians are cool too, despite some things people have said. I’m in their country anyway, I just need to be careful that’s all. They are good people and I’m learning from them.

I’m going to love this place, after all.

Yes, the first semester for 04/05 session have just started. I actually missed this place, two weeks break, at home, with nothing much to do made me eager to start doing something!! Classes have started, which most of them are ok. Though I had a problem with one of my classes.

Well, I went to the Islamic Ethics first class, and the lecturer ‘adviced’ the first year students to drop the subject, as from her experience, most first years don’t make it in this class. I met her after class and said I would like to stay in this class, and after much negotiation, she replied in the most sarcastic tone I ever heard “Don’t come see me if you fail the class”. I was thinking, “What??!!! You don’t have to talk in that tone!” Here I am, eager to learn new things and I got the most discouraging lecturer ever!!! I thought I was going to be stubborn and stay in that class not matter what but then my mind started thinking…What if she’s going to deliberately fail me just out of spite?? Out of “See I told you so” pseudo-authority?? What if she’s going to ignore me when I attempt to answer her questions in class??? What if she won’t even look at me?? So many what ifs and getting negative answers…I cannot risk it!! I cannot stay in that class!!

So I left, and went to change section, got a different lecturer, which unfortunately told me the same thing, unsuitable for first years. Only, she said it in a much BETTER and encouraging manner that I forgot to get angry over it! I cooled down and come to think of it, maybe it is a bit too hard for 1st years. In the end, I took up a different subject altogether, a subject somewhat familiar to what I had learnt in school, Intro to Fiqh. I hope I will do well!!!

To be continued…..

Yes! Alhamdulillah!! I passed my exams!! A- for my Intro to Mass Comm and C+ for my Sciences of Qur’an! Well not bad considering I did not prepare well for those. I deserved the C but still it’s a pass!! Truly happy and relief!!!

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!! Linkin Park is coming down to Singapore and I couldn’t attend their concert!!! Because I’ll be back at campus on that very same day!!! Classes have start so I cannot miss them. An absence will mean a warning letter which I don’t want to receive any!! Three classes on that day….three warning letters…NO NO NO.

Yes Linkin Park coming down here and their concert will be on the 22nd. Just when my membership with LPU had expired, just when I had to go back to campus.

But so what, there’s nothing I can do about it, can I? There really is no alternative. Bye bye Linkin Park. Well, you can’t save me if I happen to get a warning letter for absence, can you?

What the heck.

My mind had been busy during the Down to Earth programme that even if I had a thought of him, it wasn’t like always. I mean, it’s in the ok level. Maybe it’s because he’s coming back this month and I know it’s going to be different this time. I don’t know how different, but I think it is.

So many questions in my mind, I’m just waiting for his return and maybe pull enough wits to ask him…… Right now, I’m not going to put too much energy thinking about what’s going to happen. I’ll take everything as it is, day by day and face the future. He’s just a friend anyway….So, to the mind, don’t think.

7 days of Down to Earth, Baktisiswa 2004 was the among the best days of my life!! The most valuable and sweetes memories that I might not be able to forget for the rest of my life. No regrets for every minute of it. Even though at first I was not really confident about the whole thing, but I survived and was grateful I was part of ‘history’. I thank Allah for giving me this beautiful memories.

Initially, I was very nervous about the whole thing and worrying myself as this is going to be my first time ‘living’ in a village. So many things in my mind, and when news got round that it’s going to be ‘deep in the forest’, I really am worried and I foung out there’s no line coverage for my mobile phone!!!

But, all worries were nothing, the place is beautiful, yes deep into the palm plantations, but a real nice place to live in….the people there were very helpful. They are nice people. And it’s a felda….a community for the people working in the palm plantations. I’m saying it again….a NICE place to live in.

My days there were truly filled with programmes. There’s seminar…a three day motivation programme at a secondary school nearby, my first time being a facilitator but thank God, the students under me were great. I did enjoy being a ‘big sister’ to them very much…and I felt the satisfaction of being able to help them in certain ways. I’m going to try again being a facilitator.

I made new friends!! Mostly my seniors but they were cool people. I actually can’t believe they are people that we can actually joke around with…well, they look serious back in campus…. I really am happy getting to know them. I am the youngest sister throughout the programme with three others.

No words can really describe the happy days….it can only be in my mind…beautiful memories…Thank God for them. I love every moment of it.

My only regret is for not having a viewcam. 😦

I went to stay at my uncle’s last Saturday due to the truly quietness and almost ghost-town like of the campus. I felt so alone since all of the Singaporean students had return home and it was like I’m the only Singaporean left in a foreign country. I really felt alone~

So I spent Saturday night and Sunday afternoon at my uncle’s and family. It was fun and I felt much relief staying with them. We watched movies, had an almost grand dinner and I got to watch TV!!!! 🙂 And yes, had a great time eating!!!

So I’m back at campus now. With my friend. And Thank God she’s here. We are both participating in a programme. ‘Down to Earth’ which we will be going to a village in Johor and do some volunteering work. I’m going there as a facilitator for a motivational programme at one of the schools there. I don’t know what to expect~ The people, the kids, the place and the lifestyle. This is really going to be my first time ‘living’ in a village. And after few gatherings/meetings, I kind of get an idea of the whole thing but still I’m nervous. I hate uncertainties.

Well, we’ll be going on this Wednesday. And for the time being, I’m with my friend having a time of our life. Enjoying ourselves, alone together. Again, thank God she’s with me. Otherwise, I’ll be ‘crying’ alone and lock myself up in my room, never to come out. Everything’s well now and we had fun!!

I’m hoping for the best. I hope I will do the best in this programme and have some sweet and fruitful experiences. It’s a chance of a lifetime. ALL THE BEST!!

Yes. Exams are finished at last but that does not bring a smile to me at all because I knew I SCREWED UP BIG TIME!!!! And it’s my greatest regret of my life for not using the time that I had wisely. I don’t know what went wrong or who to blame. Guess I started the semester the wrong way. I knew I screwed up.

Intro to Communication’s exam – I didn’t read thoroughly and in the end got mixed up all the facts of the history and eras of television, film industry, radio and whatever else. Then Sciences of Qur’an which are supposed to be easy had I really read and memorise all the important facts and verses. And to think I had one week gap between my Intro to Comm and Science of Qur’an.

I almost had a nervous breakdown last night and didn’t sleep properly and then I waved goodbye freely to a 14 mark question….I truly gave up. I knew I SCREWED UP.

No tears can clear out the regrets. All I can do is maybe hope for at least a pass and go for the better next semester. This time I know I won’t repeat these mistakes because these are to be hideous scars in mind for the rest of my life. And whenever I’m about to waste my time and laze around, these scars will emerge. I will remember the nights I spent trying to crammed everything and risked losing the points the very next morning. And the nervous breakdowns. No repetitions, Seri. Start a brand new you next semester. NO MORE WASTING TIME. Insya Allah.

I know I cannot make the same mistakes again. There is no turning back, for God’s sake. No turning back and I cannot go on disappointing myself. It’s a SCAR, Seri. There’s no erase of it. Live with it.

SERVED ME RIGHT.

Yes!!! I am among the highest for my Intro to Communication’s third quiz!!! I am damn happy and proud of myself that I can actually did it. And to think I lamented and worried since the past few days to do better. BUT this only increase the need to do much better for my final exams. And there’s a few more chapters to read up on. I know I can do it. Alhamdulillah. Add up to the comment my lecturer made saying that I’m among the good students. That’s a compliment and a stresser at the same time. But that was source of happiness number 1.

Source of happiness number 2 was a phone call from him!!! Truly unexpected but coincidentally I was just thinking of him when suddenly my handphone rang- Private Number- and there he was on the phone!!! I was damn surprised at myself! I enjoyed the call, sacrificing 30 minutes of an unofficial class. Shit…I do like him.

Wish he’s back sooner.

AGM which stands for Annual General Meeting for Singapore students of IIUM was held last night. It was not a grand event as muchly anticipated. It was more of a casual, informal and rather ‘as-you-like-it’ attitude from EVERYONE.

First on the agenda was a farewell speech from the previous president of ASSIIUM, a somewhat ‘teary’, sarcastic speech but with much advices and reminders. Humans are so in need of reminders. That I know very well. We tend to forget where we stand when we are happily in a group, we forget our priorities, we forget who we really are and are very much influenced by the people we spent too much time with. I knew and experienced this and saved myself.

There are reports from the secretary and treasurer and some small speech from the ex-co members but very much informal.

Then the ‘election’ starts. This is how it works. There’s an electorial board where they choose 6 persons and the rest of us got to nominate 4 others. Who’s in the board? Two from previous mainboard and three from ‘wise’ and graduating seniors.

It happened so fast that personally I DON’T FEEL THE IMPORTANCE of it. And the politics in it are damn childishly funny. They go for what we termed as ‘group’. So this groups will nominate one of them and it’s shit. So there’s ten names. Then we had to vote seven names whom we ‘think’ are suitable for the job. I had a hard time choosing.

Just because we lack of responsible people.

After about 20 minutes, the seven ‘chosen’ people were announced and…..no comment. I don’t know what to say. Some things are hard to explain.

I’ll just hope for the best from them. Let them do whatever they want as long as they don’t disturb me and hinder me from doing what I need.

ps: Tired of talking about people.