do you know how happy i am to be able to blog at the CC??? it’s amazing!!
well syaspec, instead of reading my immanuel kant, i’m here at the cc, well, surfing for immanuel kant~ learning still… i’m always so reluctant to go to history of western philosophy class.. not that it’s not interesting, i always find myself dozing off in the class…and no matter what we answer to the questions, they are never right.

anyway, good news today was i got a most unexpected mark for my malaysian society’s assignment on polarization among iium students. and even got a good remark in class. i am so relieved!! i sacrifice my chinese new year’s holidays for that and it’s been paid off. but still not to slack Seri, never! professor aris is still particular during exams, no matter what. i’m ready to work for more!!!

halimah project has ended!! a huge relief from the shoulder! everything is done and completed. as a first attempt, despite the downs of it, am still happy to say that most of us has done the very best except for promotions…. what’s more amazing is that we managed everything within a week’s preparation. that i’m proud of. people had to prepare a whole month earlier for a mahallah week programme, but us?? within a week!! that’s a record breaking i would say. and i’m happy to note that i’m the first president of mahallah halimah who has managed to organize such a programme, no matter how humble it was. it’s the key to other future projects. i made my mark.

and this weekend, will be having an archery tournament at melaka. wish me al the athlete’s luck that i need.

the project from heaven..contrary to the title. well, to keep things in a lighter note. to put myself within a more positive outlook. the halimah project is ongoing as i post this…but i’m just escaping from it all for awhile for i am depressed and stressed out with the whole thing. few more hours to go till it ends and i’m still hoping for a miracle to happen.

sucked big time in archery today..like as though i have never played it before. i guess i wasn’t able to focus because of this project.

i dream of better things but those dreams have abandoned me. and i’m left with the remnants of hope and diminishing strength and the mask of smile.

before anything goes wrong with the bloggering site, i have to rush on the things that i have to say. so where did we left off?? be brief on things yeah.

oh i didn’t go back for the chinese new year holidays. i had stayed here for the preparation for halimah project, whereby almost 80% of the committee went back. am i the only one doing the worrying??? but alas… at this very moment, the programme has started. last night was the first prog. a movie-watching at the mph. the movie- the sinking of japan. i really enjoyed it. the place was nice enough, cool sound system and great movie by the way. sadly, not many people came. well, they lose. hoping for better days the remaining three days. i’m having a positive outlook of it. this is afterall, the first halimah project ever. so it’s a good start. maybe the next mrcs will do much better. i’m on the lookout already for new potentials.

and should i talk on the day that pudu went blackout?? first time found out there’s a maybank atm at pudu…how lucky i thought..happily queued..put in my card…press the amount…was just about to press YES and….at the very nice moment..the whole of pudu went ppuuhff! i was cursing..and my card got stuck inside…10 mins wait…electricity on…but the screen goes temporarily out of service…blackout AGAIN……and thank GOD that Menara Maybank was only 5 minutes walk from Pudu…and thank GOD the officers were helpful and concerned…got my card back within an hour. lesson to learn…NEVER take out money from Maybank at Pudu. You never know when the building is going to shut on its own…

but anyway..i’m so looking forward to exams and get the semester done with once and for all!! i serously am…i have had enough of progs and tests and assignments and unsatisfactory services and the sameold sameold food that i’m sick of.

to Far…be strong for Lut.

and oh yeah…i’m falling in love…and i’m looking forward to seeing lurve everyday~

i had had the worst times of not being able to blog during the weekend because of stoopid pcs and network services at the soooo convenient so-called cybercafe. their head ah!!! all my mood to blog was diminished by that fact and now that i can….i’ve lost all the juicy stuffs. will get back whenever i’m feeling more hyped for it~

i am suddenly inspired to post something here.it’s about the different characteristics of people that we have to endure in a society.

people who claimed we, the excos, are unproductive childish lot.

i heard that last year during my first year bearing the post of secretary. here we are trying our very hardest and our very best to organize some quality programmes and we got stamped unproductive. so what is productive?? are you productive enough to contribute ideas and suggest programmes or agendas that we can carry out for the benefit of others? and the person saying it doesn’t even have the initiative to come and join our programmes. they would rather sit in their rooms and be as anti-social as can be. while on the other hand we are slogging through classes and assignments and we still have to organize programmes. why in the whole world are we doing it at all?

we can claim now that we managed to organize two creative thinking workshops, a collaboration with MUIS for Singapore Seminar and another with IMPIAN for an inter-faith preface and another with RSI for a forum.

even with these, they don’t bother to come!!! because…..

people who want us to knee down and beg them to come to our programmes

this is the most favourite group i have ever come to know. we usually gave out handbills as invitations to our programmes. not only that, we wasted RM10 to top up the credit to sms to these people as reminders or in case they didn’t get the handbills. and then surprise2 they claimed they didn’t know anything about the programme!!! what the tooottt. and they have this inclination, that if they didn’t get the handbill, they are not invited.

or favourite excuse, we have other important things to do. oh yeah, we forgot that the excos have tremendous free time to spare!! and they think they are smart beacuse they don’t know how to manage their time.having saying that, i have to point out that there are people who couldn’t come because of classes. that we are perfectly ok with that. but to those who doesn’t want to come because they are too matured to join, i’m sorry we can’t cater to your hormonal needs.

they never understand that we NEVER see them on campus, so how are we supposed to give them the handbills. sometimes, we passed it around to the others to pass to these unidentifiable people, and was that our fault if you didn’t receive those pass-it-along handbills?? and then they have the cheek to feel disappointed with us! what the tooottt. reflecting back, do they even come if they do receive the stupid handbills? this come to another point which are…

people who doesn’t appreciate the dissemination of information

they throw the handbills away. and to think we put extra effort to put in cool pictures and sometimes printed in colours, with the thought that they would take it as keepsakes, as reminders, that it would be nice enough to be pasted on their noteboards. but no. the most significant experience i had was the handbill was folded into a paperplane and was so appropriately thrown back at our table, which coincidentally the table was filled with 4 excos. what a pretty thoughtful sight. that was a sharp dagger right through the heart. we were trying our best to let every breathing -and- wasting person on earth get the information and this is what we get. how narrow minded some people are. at least if you don’t want it, put it in the recycling bin, or pass it to the next person you meet!!

and then the smses!! this also became a problem to the united people of singapore. the favourite excuse would be they didn’t get those smses. and then we found out that….

people who doesn’t care to inform that they have changed their numbers

very intelligent lot these people are. they changed their number and they are just too forgetful to inform the excos about it. do we have to go to every person and ask ‘have you changed your number lately, dear???’ but hey wait, aren’t you among the unidentifiable persons in iiu-land, dear?? i guess we’ll try telepathic network, next time.

‘tak cakap seyy!’ ‘tak tahu ppuuunnn!’ ‘takde orang cakap puun!’ ‘tak ajak ppuuun!’ = i had enough of these beautiful proses. i’m so overwhelmed with the compliments.

people who are not serious about their tasks

sometimes they just have to be told. without having any initiative to do something and here i am doing the thinking. too much thinking at that. i was always thinking whether she got the prog-info, or whether they are included in yahoogroups, will they read the emails, will they be able to come?? why are they not coming?? and they might be some people who doesn’t care less. like i’ve said a hundred times to make use of that stupid exco emails to remind people, but they just won’t do it and then complain people are not paying the fees!!

and then there would be those who doesn’t care what in the whole world is happening in the society!! they don’t bother to come for meetings, they don’t bother to ask what’s happening. they just don’t bother to do anything, can i tell you to just go jump and die? i can’t. like the debate thingy. i tried hard looking for people, i cared about the debators wellbeing, i asked how they are going to be, i even ran to-and-fro from the booth to the canteen during lunch just to ask about them. where are the rest of the important people?? they don’t even bother to ask about the outcome!!

people who have always been there

i am ever so grateful for the people who have never failed to come to our programmes and have always given us positive support! May ALLAH bless them ever. without them, our programmes wouldn’t be a success. their presence are like flowers blooming in a desert of souls. being in a post for two years now, there had been some who have always been there for us and personally am grateful to them. i assure you there is nothing to lose in spreading some care and concern towards fellow scholars. having once in a while gatherings and have a talk about what is going on. i wish we could strengthen our ties more. but we cannot be too idealistic. i understand that now.

pardon me for letting these out but sometimes, things have to be let known or we might just perish with heartache. i’m no perfect person but sometimes efforts and hardwork pays. and a little interest that could bind us together. and these are my experiences having positions in some societies.

dont put the blame on the workload, blame your selfishness.

many things were accomplished the previous week. as have been stated, there were tests and assignments. and am just finished with two midterm tests the last two days.. now i can actually breathe some new fresh air!!! well, for a short while that is.

before anything else, i wanted to say that archery booth was a hit last weekend, during the Co-Cu week!! Archery’s booth must have been the most busiest those two days. seriously, i actually brought a book thinking that i could read during boring times, imagining that from 8am – 6pm would be a bore. i was damn wrong. there were like 12 of us archery-mates as committees and we don’t even have time to sit!!! people kept coming to try shooting and a lot of explaining had to be done for every people who tried. well you can’t just shoot anyway you like so i have been repeating the instructions for infinite times that i just about had it if i have to explain anymore to anyone about archery. plus the scorching scorching heat that was peeling at my skin!!

but the hard work was paid off. we collected more than RM300 in two days, which is a record breaking amount. and we were the last booth to close on sunday, at 7pm because there were still some people queueing for archery. later that evening, we ate our hearts out at this sate kajang restaurant. that was really a treat for me for i hadn’t been eating right the past week due to some circumstances. i was really thankful for that. overall, am proud to be in archery.

even though things are looking better for this week, other than the fuss for halimah project, am going through a mood-phase whereby am feeling like i’m the most stupidest person and the most ugliest person in the whole of iiu-land, and certain things are just making it worst. like having acquaintance with some pretty girls, i mean we just know they are, from the way people look at them. and i read this psychology book on how people will always have a good impression on pretty girls, even if they are just looking at photos of them. like they are exceptionally smart and everything nice and sweet. good marks come easily to pretty girls. and i don’t fall into that category. and how people seem to think i’m a local lately. it’s twice already that i had to tell people i’m a singaporean. to a lecturer and to the stupid officer at finance. i’ve lost my singaporean essence is it??!! i hate it big time. do i look stupid? and there’s that character. you know that “one.” i’m just accumulating anger and hatred to one for reasons i can’t comprehend. they say we hate because we love, but this…i love to hate!! and at this level of sensitivity, i’m just about hating everyone with some petallic exceptionals.

and yeah finance was another big bummer. i did not register for my semester 3 subjects just because i have not paid my fees. they were ok on previous semesters and had unblocked my account for registration purposes, but they are not helpful at all now. so what the hell!! i don’t pre-reg then!! i was angry, i was crying but well, money don’t fall from the sky. and i don’t want to worry my parents. i know their situation, so i’ll just shut up and suck it all in. this is the life i’m living. how tragedically poetic.

only one thing i know….am not doing any looking out or waiting. had enough.

first and foremost i had planned to write out an assignment last night but exhaustion took over and i woke up at 6 am with a jolt. so i manage to write out a few lines of it and was praying that another of my groupmates had managed to type at least some of them…well we had to submit it today during class at 11 am.

But alas, she slept the night too, i don’t blame her at all, i mean i slept too. and she really did look exhausted last night during our discussion. so at 10 am we met and did some LAST MINUTE additions to the assignments. completed it half-heartedly by 11 and handed it in. but God had foreordained that the lecturer was down with fever and the class ended after just half an hour. though i already handed in the group assignment, we had the smart thinking to revised the whole thing and made more presentable editions . it took 2 and a half hour. this time we did it with our hearts and souls. many people come and go at hs, but i just couldn’t bother at all. a few caught my attention, the rest are just flying by my sight.

and at the moment of stress, i have to mention that not everything is within my control, i can’t help but to miss out a few things in mind, and i can’t take care of everything and everyone. pardon me but i’m just not perfect. i apologise if there are those who doesn’t know about programmes and stuffs. seriously, it slipped off my mind. but then, when an exco printed out more of the handbills, and you know what??? somebody made a plane out of it and threw it at us. it so happened that the table were occupied by excos. WHAT THE FUCK!!! how unfeeling could that be?? i shouldn’t take this seriously but somehow i’m so taken aback and disappointed big time that this happened. THE HANDBILL COST MONEY, for GOD’s sake!! one side, some are disppointed they didn’t get the handbills, and at the other side, some are just wasting paper and made paperplanes out of it!!! i can’t bear that at the moment. pardon me but i must be in a stressful mode now.

and i have been through a hellish day today. i got my deviant paper back and it was a big disappointment!! i read hard on that stupid subject. my semester break was indulged with reading it and i got a mere just pass for it!!! and some poeple who claimed to be not ready and writing shits managed to get a full mark for it! WHAT THE FUCK! i tried hard, LORD. and the lecturer was forever downgrading us who didnt do well. could you just stop it, you are making me feel more worst than i already am!! For God’s sake, stop being a sceptic. seriously am feeling down to the core because of the things he said. God, i’m disappointed. disappointed. i feel more stupid than ever. i need to let the tears out but it’s just not now.

well, i managed to complete two assignments in one day, just finished another just now on evangelization, a study on the usage of music in missionaries. but alas, i have a meeting at econs at 10pm!!! they wanted to distribute the posters for the archery programme. i had enough for the day!!! and have yet to read up for tomorrow’s malaysian society. seriously, i had been in campus since 8 am in the morning!! overtimed workers get paid for their extra workload!!! and i’m sick for God’s sake.

am. taking. it. with. an. open. heart. i’m. just. trying….too.hard.

am supposed to have history of western philosphy class, but good old prof cancelled it and add up to that, he postponed the midterm test to next tuesday!! Double joy!!
so i already spent an hour or so on the net just now, trying to help qzai change her blogskin. and am back again. and feeling sleepy all of a sudden. i’m editing the handbill for archery since the head for pubnpro wants a soft copy of it later. I wanted to type out the assignment on Islamic Call, but the sleepiness is hindering my thinking. i’ll contribute straightaway later tonight during discussion.

two midterm tests this morning, it was ok i guess. but i really hope i did well in them. seriously, been reading on them since the semester break. and i was running around yesternight with short meetings, from assiium’s newsletter to meeting with fellow and debators and meeting for archery, which, was actually forwarded at 5 pm. what the!!! but coach was kind enough and it so happened he was still in campus, so he came to meet me and two others who was misinformed. he accepted my humble design of handbills.

and i got this slogan in my head for this archery thingy:

how has the past week been for me???

i was down with the most serious headache i’ve ever had the moment i stepped on IIU aka down with fever. yes the morning after that i arrived. managed to go to deviant class, return and slept throughout the day and woke up before maghrib, got my meal, took panadols and slept again. So much for dreaming to accomplish a number of things. byebye.
but it can’t be helped. and by the way, i think i left my voice in singapore. still am. i felt like i’m CROAKING, some said my voice sounds like Ella, the rock queen, but hey she has HUSKY voice and she can sing. but me> i CROAKED. whatever it sounds like lah, it’s uncomfortable and this sickening cough i’m having that interrupts my sleep!!!

i can say the week hasn’t been really that fine for me except for LIONS. I just want to say that for once, i really love and am proud of the LIONS. They deserve to be the champions for the Asean Cup, against the Thailand players who are VERRRY VERRY BAD players, no sportsmanship at all. They SUCK BIG TIME. I actually felt like crying when the LIONS won again. they won the first leg in SG field, 2-1 (one on penalty)…which the thais were drama-mama going off when one of them got a yellow card and LIONS gained penalty kick and wasted almost 10 minutes of the game. WHAT THE…??? they received more than 3 million curses from the singapore fans, those who were the spectators, and those watching at home, don’t forget people like us, away from home.

and it was really sweet victory for the LIONS when the goal by Amri even the scores= LIONS won the game!!! it was a heart attack game. i’ve never been more angry and anticipated in a soccer game than yesternight!!! despite the voice!! the thais, they bullied LIONS to the core, and even indra who was on the bench got a yellowcard because he was damn angry with the notorious thonglao who looked as if he spitted at Amri, how we anti-him throughout the game. referee kelong!!!they deserve it all. alam shah is the man. really ah man, bangga seh!! serious. BANGGA. i don’t know how to describe this cloud nine. am sure there’ll be fans waiting to welcome them at the airport today at 2 pm. wish we could be there.

LIONS all the way ah!

am going back to iiu in an hour’s time. DRAAAGGGG…..

have to make myself mentally and physically PREPARED for the weeks’ to come…
midterm tests for deviant, islamic ideology, evangelization, history of western philo. assignments all crammed to be hand in by the next two weeks. and programmes coming up….halimah so-called project, archery for cocu week, and there’s the debate thingy intermahallah…assiium’s progs….whatnots!!

pray that i’ll go through the month and come out ALIVE and BREATHING!! and kicking my way for the final exams…exams lah pulaaaakkk~
can’t wait till the next break…..

ps: oh yeah, as a proud singaporean, i have to say our LIONS are FANTASTIC, for winning the semis against Malaysia….and that ridhuan guy is rather cute : ) tak sia-sia berbalut beb!