The closing ceremony of STAR ’05. Which I did not plan to go but at the last minute…. I went, because of someone. : ) Don’t get too excited. There’s a story behind it all. Here it goes..

Around lunchtime yesterday. received a call from IMEC’s OR, a PR committee….asking me whether I want to go to the dinner. I said I may not be going. And there were noises at the back.. and this committee said someone (let’s just say he’s Ezn) is there and said that I must go. Well,well,well…if someone’s buying me the ticket, I’ll go. Of course I meant that as a joke.. I told them, ok I’ll go to OR and we’ll talk about it, since I was on the way to OR at that time. And then I receive a message from this Ezn asking me again…and a later message telling me to just go, he’ll pay for it. Don’t get excited yet…there’s a story behind it..we’ll go to that later. Still, I can’t help smiling. Someone is willing to pay 10 bucks for a dinner!! No one has yet done that to me!!Really I’m smiling…even now, just thinking about it. So the deal’s on. And later after my classes, went to OR again, and Ezn’s there and he passed me the tix. Another thing, he messaged me asking where I was when I had to go there later because I had an impromptu discussion. And when I was there, of course I have no business looking for him, and they had already started eating anyway, so I got myself a seat with other IRK excos, and only just realised that Ezn’s sitting at the next table with his friends. And cute thing after another, he messaged complimenting me…when he’s just at the next table!! I felt like we’re close friends, even though all this while, we’re just like colleagues working together. But at that moment, I felt like someone do care after all…..ok enough daydreaming. So let’s go behind the story why he wanted to pay for the dinner…..it’s because I had helped him once. I helped him completed this job he has, typing out transcripts of a book….that’s all I did. I told him I don’t want anything from it, but if he wanted to do something to repay me, it’s up to him. And so a chance came – the dinner – and I took it as his say of thanks…And anyway, I did even help the Programme Manager himself, translating his remarks for the souvenir book and even the President himself, correcting his remarks. So I’m taking that dinner as their thanks!!

Still, I’m happy and grateful for the dinner. I just hope the friendship doesn’t end along with IMEC ’05. I love these people. The precious moments we had, they’re just valuable. And ok, I’ll admit I guess I like Ezn. But it stops there. I can’t bring myself to do anything…maybe I’m old fashioned in that sense. Anyway, I’m too busy with stuffs I just can’t think too much.

Just a continuation. The last post on adit had only a line to it, because I’m still feeling a little lost and just no mood to write having knowing that he has left this uni for another. I had know about it before, a friend had told me that he’s leaving, but at the time, it was just mere news. Until I saw him and he told me. and that’s when it hit me. I don’t need to recap the whole situation, no cries assurably. But I’m grateful that a friendship exists although for a very short while. He is the one who helped me in one of my subjects anyway. And he had been the one brightening dark days just with his smile or his look.
Adit – Mansor Ayob…..all the best in your future endeavors. Maybe we will meet again, or maybe not. But we’re still part of each other’s memories.

Surprise surprise surprise. I got elected as the Vice President of Mahallah Halimah. I do not know whether Ishould be jumping happy or not. The thing is, I signed on, with the hope I’ll be just a simple member, or holding some bureau, and I couldn’t even attend the interview which was on the same night as Ahlan wa sahlan. And the meeting yesterday, I was quite feeling alienated, unlike with the IRK society, but alas, I’m Vice President, and there’s no running away from it. Maybe it’s because the Principal of this Mahallah was my lecturer and know me quite well. I don’t know. I guess this good news came to me at a time when I was very busy. With Forum as the sole secretary, with ASSIIUM as secretary 1 and a lot of things waiting to be done and now suddenly Vice President, and already they have upcoming programmes in the next few weeks. I’m sorry Ratu, Romo, I didn’t mean to get involved with so many…but don’t worry, studies will still be my first pririty. Any single minute I can find without having my mind thinking other things, I’ll spend it on studies. I just want to make Ratu and Romo proud. I’m still trying to get this vice presidency vibe. Maybe after I’MEC I guess.

The one of my dreams has left the uni. enough said.

The first programme for this semester under ASSIIUM ’05/06. Which includes me. Secretary I. Actually, I do not have the words to describe the night. But I’m just relief that it went well and participation from others were great. Downside….none of the so-called close friends came, except for two of them who dropped by for like a minute, because they had other things to attend to. It doesn’t matter actually but it was when people started asking me, where are these people, are they coming or not….like I know what and where these people are, it just made my mood worse. Maybe I shouldn’t got so worked up but I don’t know….it’s been THE problem since a long time ago. And anyway, I’m still quite disappointed that they didn’t come, not even for my sake. If they have problems with other people, it doesn’t include me and this is more or less MY programme. Whatever, they have other things to do. Persetankan those negative thoughts, Seri.

I turned 22 today!! How time flies~~ amidst the business, I almost forgot my birthday. I know it’s approaching 14th July, but it doesn’t stick to the mind that it is my birthday, until wednesday night, Izhar wished me after ASSIIUM’s meeting. Of course, it’s his birthday too and must have been waiting for someone to wish him, hehe.

And the lovely girls surprised me with a cake!! It has somewhat become a tradition for us to surprise the birthday girls but as for me, I did not expect it because most of us was busy with IMEC and had classes which started too early at 8 and all. But they did, after all. I’m happy and grateful to have them as friends + a cousin. Grateful. Allah bless them, Insya Allah.

I guess the downside of it was me to expect a call that never came. Foolish of me to think that someone would call. Very foolish, and what made it worse was an email that simply said happy birthday. I mean even strangers can say that to me. And I thought this someone is a CLOSE friend. And to think I had quite a hard time composing a proper wish for this someone on the last birthday!! And sending that wish way earlier than it’s actual day, and I got this two-word wish from someone only today, a day after my ‘big’ day. Sometimes it’s just shit when you care about someone, and they are just heck care. whatever, he started it all. Yes, it’s the thought that counts, people say. But I guess, how deep a meaning and sincerity of that thought that really matters. A thought is just a dead thinking unless there’s meaning to it.

And there’s another funny person, a senior, who’s been giving signs but I don’t know whether there’s meaning to it, or just teasings. But I’m taking it all as mere jokes. And yeah, same thing goes to him, a wish is just a wish unless there’s sincerity. You don’t just wish a person happy birthday just for the sake of it!! It’s just like you just got introduced to a new person and it happened that it was her birthday so you just wish her anyway, for the sake of wishing, not because it’s her birthday and that the day might mean a lot to her. This senior, no calls, no sms, but the wish was like a passing remark on the way to class and he happened to see me. And I thought there might be something!

So, apart from the lovely girls’ surprise, it’s been disappointments this birthday. It made me realise, until someone really cares about you, only then a birthday would be meaningful. That’s the problem, sometimes I care too much about people, but people just don’t care.

Anyway…HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

Second day of the semester and I’m already exhausted and worn out! Been to class which starts at 8.30 am and three classes after that straight till 12.50pm. Zohr and rest for only an hour and then continue with classes at 2 till 4.50 pm! Five classes in one day. And I wouldn’t know how i’m going to carry on for the whole semester. Maybe I say too soon, maybe it’s the Forum, which took up energy and mind and I have yet to adapt to this ridiculous schedule. Insya Allah I can do it…and what’s more I’m starting to forget things and almost to losing things carelessly left, or forgetting to do certain things. My absent-mindedness is getting worse.

Menunggumu
Chrisye feat. Peterpan

Here’s something from one of the posts in bulletin board in Friendster. Something to do with Celtic astrology but the funny thing was it’s based on trees…how is that???
My birthday falls 14th July which is somehow related to the fir tree and it says this about me:
FIR TREE (Mysterious) – extraordinary taste, dignity, sophisticated, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to them, rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious, uncontested lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.
And yeah most of it is quite me except for that ‘many foes,’ haven’t see them yet and I hope I won’t have any.

So today, nothing much going on, except for the things that needed to be done for this Forum programme. Letters completed, alhamdulillah. Speakers….so far two of them seemed confirmed, lots of calling to do, something that I dread but no excuses~

Today was Add/drop period for second year students, I’m now taking 7 subjects and 1 CCA. Initially I wanted to stay at six subjects but then I found out that I can take 7, so after a little thought, since I can take 7, so why not?? I know it’s going to be hard, furthermore, I’m involved with programmes, but I”m giving it a try. I’ll do my best, Ratu-Romo!! And two more days to go to Semester One 05/06!!

I’m one week earlier than the rest, before the semester starts and it’s for the beloved I’MEC 05 programme I’m involved in…. and the truth is, I did not regret having to be back in campus early…meeting all the nice and cool people again, I kinda miss the people involved in I’MEC during the hols. And it’s fun being with them. And the most important thing is, I have something to do here!! Back at home, all I did was watch TV and played games whole day long….ok, I did some chores but still…..I watch TV more!! What a blissful ignoramus life indeed. But I like being busy….only at the moment, I’m still at a blur of the things that I left here, a lot of catching up and getting the busy vibe, and I have yet to clean up my room!

I checked my results yesternight and alhamdulillah, I got A- for my Intro to Psych and B+ for my Social Stratification which was a HUGE relief because of that worriness over losing 13 marks for mistaken answers!! And I’m also relief that even though I had been busy throughout the whole of semester 3, I managed to get good marks for the exams, maybe it’s because both the subjects are in English, not to say my English is good, but if it had been Arabic subjects, less probability of getting an A and B, but then again, I think I can still manage either way. Whatever. And now I’m so ready to go for classes and make myself indulge in books again. I’m actually hyped and eager to go to classes~ I can say that semester 3 had seen some of the better days. Adit, interfaith dialogue, i-mec, presentations, assignments, lessons, motivational camp, confidence, responsibilities, and ok, guys. A different perception towards guys, that is. That now I realise that a pretty face doesn’t guarantee near perfection and that personality plays a better role for the x-factor. (And the only and the first ever guy, a senior, that I have much admiration to, not crush, is taken, which is kinda sad). I have friends and they all change my way of looking at people and the most hardest thing would be to not judge a book by its cover. I’m still learning at that. Everywhere and everyday is learning learning learning. But I love it. I love this gift of life.

And oh yeah, another thing to point out: All the good guys are taken, it’s always like that~ if they are not, then there’ll be a queue for them and they treat everyone the same, so that you won’t know which might be a special to him. And it’s just not me to be among those who run for the attention from a guy. Good guys or not, I’m grateful to have friends of diversity and I admire my seniors and truly sad that this semester, most of them would be graduating!! And at that, I’m sad and afraid of losing the memories that I had with them. The journey of life, you walked, you saw, you remember and when you looked back, they are out of sight and the pain of remembering them and of no turning back, no reversing of time, it makes me more grateful of what I had seen and living what I live. Thank you God.