Collide

“The dawn is breaking A light shining through You’re barely waking And I’m tangled up in you Yeah I’m open, you’re closed Where I follow, you’ll go I worry I won’t see your face Light up again Even the best fall down sometimes Even the wrong words seem to rhyme Out of the doubt that fills my mind I somehow find You and I collide I’m quiet you know You make a first impression I’ve found I’m scared to know I’m always on your mind Even the best fall down sometimes Even the stars refuse to shine Out of the back you fall in time I somehow find You and I collide Don’t stop here I lost my place I’m close behind Even the best fall down sometimes Even the wrong words seem to ryhme Out of the doubt that fills your mind You finally find You and I collide You finally find You and I collide You finally find You and I collide
The words to a song “Collide” by Howie Day (whoever he is) but the song’s nice and I’m trying to play it with my guitar.
At the moment, I have just finished my finals. At last!! 3 papers and out of that I think I did better in Intro to Psych than Bahasa Melayu or Social Stratification. I did a terrible careless mistake – Answering a question wrongly when I actually know the supposedly correct answer!! 13 marks lost just like that!!! Still, I’m hoping for a B for that, my assignments and tests hopefully will manage to pull through. Amazingly, I got the highest mark for my assignment and presentation which I truly didn’t expect, so yeah, hope that will help the grades. All the same, exams finished, and most of my programme’s matters are dealt with just now, and actually relieved that I can finish the jobs this early. Can’t wait to return home tomorrow and play Need for Speed!!

Gersang

I went back to Singapore for the weekend plus one and a half weekdays. I am so out of it, ‘living’ here for one whole month, and amongst the business still, I left and went back!! So proud of myself for doing that haha. And so I spent my days fully with my family, which was somewhat a refreshing therapy, and a newly found love in Need for Speed Underground 2!! Went shopping with my family and bought new dresses..which I love! And eat good delicious food (the thought of it is making me real hungry now!!) And cuddling Wyte!! Miss him already~

So I am now feeling more up to life and facing my exams whole heartedly. One just now – Bahasa Melayu Nusantara II and hoping that I did well in it. I truly hope for even though it’s non-credited but I still wouldn’t want a C or D in my result slip. It just wouldn’t look nice~

And the whole afternoon I had been running around from one office to another, so many tasks waiting for my attention….and did most of them, Alhamdulillah…and now one more last task for the day- review for a theatre that I went which was supposed to be handed in last week but I got excuse from the lecturer and I am trying to finish it today!!

Second post

Second post for the day. Thank God, I have finished my social stratification presentation!! And I actually found some cool pictures to replace those flashes. Now, feeling hyped and ready to present the best.
What’s it all about? Stratification in psychic gratification. Psychic gratifications includes love, security, peace of mind, optimism about the future and happiness. So my group are trying to present to the class on the real thing that’s happening to people who are HIV positive, ex-convicts and juvenile teenagers. So we hope to potray how the society has view these people negatively and that we should actually give them a second chance.

So yeah, I’m ready to go!!

No Mood

I have a presentation this Wednesday, and seriously not having anything concrete to present. At the moment, my mind is somwhere else, not really concentrating to find anything to do about ex-convicts. There’s some cool sites with Flash, but those Flash couldn’t be saved so I do not know what else to do!! And I guess I have no mood, really, to present. I’m just too tired and I want to go home but that have to wait till 23rd of June.

One more week to go to final exams. I wish I can write something happy and refreshing but, again, I have no mood. No mood even to eat though I am hungry right now. No mood for discussion, but that will start in 15 minutes…

Help me Lord…

Trying

Had been busy for the past few days. Had to do reports and reviews of movies and tests and last but not least, a presentation coming up next week!! Alhamdulillah, days fully filled, aka no wasting time but nevertheless, I’m no perfect and there are so many things that I might have forget….so many things had to be checked proper and detailed and I had to keep up with people. Hoping that my Lord would help me give me the strength and faith to live this life, especially when some people start to talk behind backs and giving faces when I do not think that I deserve this. For a mere joke, people start giving me sarcastic remarks and perceptions. And the shitty thing was, it always happened during programmes. Whenever there’s a programme going on, they start making petty issues. And I do not know how to react!!! I need my Ratu and Romo and my Wyte and my brothers and sisters. I so need the time out. I have so many things to do, things to accomplish, things to remember and people are just giving me the shits. Lord, please help me~ Please help me do the right thing and say the right word and give the right attitude. Lord, please help me. Can I just be blind to people who had always tried my patience and limits. Can I just be blind to people who are always trying to find fault and blaming me for petty emotions. YOU have always showed me and let me learned from the people around me. So help me Lord.

Talking about happier things, well, it happened JUST now. There’s this senior who I kind of have a crush on. And he entered this lab, and of all the empty computers around, he chose to sit at the pc beside me!! Cute or what??!! And we talked. : ) And another thing was I finished the report!!

Campus Hunter

The name of the porgramme which the Sports Secretariat of IRK Society held last Saturday. I can’t say I enjoyed it that much. It was more tiring and exhausting that the feeling of enjoyment was lost. It was terrible, we had to go search from one checkpoint to another and the campus was no small place, for God’s sake!! Why I went?? Because of my EDU sect. chariperson, Abg Azhari and Tawfique, because of my cousin being one of the committee for the programme, because of friends being in the Sports. If they did not appreciate this simple thought, then they may have hearts made of stone. Because I did not enjoy the whole thing, and at the same time I was having this monthly woman sickness, and having to walk and run from one point to another was not an easy task for me that day. Well, all the same, congrats to my friends who organized the programme.

Later that day, I went to KLCC with Aili and Qadar, for a mere three pathetic pieces of pictures that I had to get for interfaith’s secretarial report. All the same, I think that was my first outing for this semester and I enjoyed it. I got to spend hours at Times, Tower Records and Kinokuniya. That was heaven to me. We met Eka and Anys in the evening. A very tiring day but I enjoyed the latter part of the day.

Yesterday we had the first meeting for Forum of I’ MEC ’05. Got to meet the sub committees and discussions for the forum aka informal opening ceremony. The story that I meant to tell here was an act of two friends who I thought was close enough and understanding and caring….but I guess I was wrong. Well, one friend was the vice president of the society and happened to be the advisor of this forum. Well, she was late for the meeting, but that didn’t matter much since she was only an advisor, and we couldn’t exchange words sicne she sat at the back, and I had to be at the front with the director since I was the secretary. Later during the group binding, we sat together, but still we couldn’t say anything to one another, except questions and answers about the forum. I noticed that she avoided eye contact. I don’t know why. And during the report session, I saw that she whispered to Abg Azhari that she’s going back, and I looked at her, trying to get eye contact, but no, she just went straight out the door, without a single say to me. And I turned to the window and saw another friend, who happened to be a co -chairperson in the society. They are best friends now I see. I didn’t think much at the moment since a committee was discussing his report. I thought that maybe these two friends would be at HS canteen, as usual, or at least, sms me. Stupid and Naive Me. No there were no messages from either of them. After the meeting ended, I thought of going to HS, but at the silence and darkness of campus, I couldn’t bring myself to walk to HS, instead went straight back home. I actually prayed that these two friends wouldn’t be angry at me for not looking for them. How stupid and naive.

I found out today from this v.president friend, that the both of them went straight back home!! The reason was they being tired!! OK, but without any word to me??!!! Like I’m nobody to them now?? Well, yes I am a nobody, I have no position in the society, right?? They couldn’t send a stupid little message to say they would be going back first?? They would rather leave me going back alone, in the silence and the darkness?? For a mere tiredness?? Like no one else was tired? I do not know how to react! But eventually my tears flowed as soon as I reach my room. They didn’t wait for me, no message whatsover, like I’m invisible. I guess I am. What am I to do?? Keep on living and faking smiles.

Semester 3 ’04/05

I have to say, after a long time abandoning my favourite place -this blog, that this semester three was the semester for me. I guess, this may be due to the programmes I had involved in and the classes I’m taking. And yeah, before I forget, I have not gone back for a whole month already!!!

First and foremost, my best achievement this semester, was getting involved in an interfaith dialogue as an assistant secretary. I’m grateful to have been chosen as the mainboard and that people had expectations and looked up to me for guidance, considering I’m only in my second year and non-local that is. Interfaith dialogue : “Roles of women in society according to religious scriptures,” 17th of May 2005, Tuesday night. It was a memorable night. After weeks of hard work and dealing with so many high-ranked people, going from one place to another, that night I sat on the front row, with guests- of- honour, wearing a coat. I had the most amazing feeling that night and wished my parents had been there to see me, they would have been proud. A few seniors had praised on the success of the dialogue and I’m feeling over the moon. Credits go to my organizing committees as well, without them, this dialogue would not be a success, they were the ones who did the practical things. And although I’m only the assistant secretary, I think I handled them all well, especially during meetings, not letting them felt lost and helping whenever I could. I’m doing what I can do without having to wait for anyone, time is precious and we were running out of time, considering we got the approval letter very late (it’s the upper people’s fault), and jobscopes can’t be done without the approval letter. But overall, I’m happy that everything went well and smooth running to the very last hour of the dialogue. I’m proud of my committee.
And last weekend, a senior asked me to be a facilitator for a motivational camp, right here in IIUM, and I happily accepted the job, even though I just known about it the day before the programme!! I mean, it’s only a facilitator job and I had the experience before, I can handle it. At the same time, rather proud that the senior brother asked me to join. So it went for three days and two nights, I spent the weekend with smart teenagers and smarter undergrads. I’m truly in awe with the locals (I’m the only non-local there), they really know what they were doing, committed to achieving the objectives of the camp and loving towards the younger brothers and sisters coming from secondary schools in Perak. And especially the senior brothers, they are smart, firm but friendly and most importantly pious, in a way that they can lead the younger ones, giving tazkirahs and advices. Real Muslim leaders. I really salute them for their great personalities. Pardon me for saying that I can’t see these intelligence and piousness in Singapore brothers, whether they are IIUM students or elsewhere….maybe I’m saying too soon and I really hope that things will change, as we grow older and acquire more knowledge in Islam and other academics. Working in this motivational programme changed my perspectives towards the locals. There do have students with aims and views of the world and successful in their careers without forgeting their Muslim roots. I find myself learning from them. Yes they do have their shortcomings, but even that, I learn from their mistakes. I thank Allah for letting me join this programme. Ratu was proud of my two achievements in only one week…
And last week, I had a Bahasa Melayu Nusantara presentation, which my group organized a ‘Baktisiswa” programme. I acted as the chairperson for the opening ceremony. And truthfully I only prepared my text that morning, in my sociology class. But Alhamdulillah I performed well. Real well I guess because my teacher was all praise for me except for the few English words that I accidentally slipped in my speech. And she was satisfied with the rest of my group and the programme as a whole with interesting activities throughout the Baktisiswa. That made my day.
I’m actually proud of this Tuesday 17th May because of three things : BM presentation, Soca Strat assignment, which I’m relieved I got to finish it in only one night – the night before and of course, the grand event : interfaith dialogue. ALHAMDULILLAH

Occupied

It’s only the second week of the third semester and already I’m busy with classes, and presentations and assignments, add these to a programme I suddenly found myself in! Even though with only three classes, my time is amazingly full, and consider myself lucky that I get to escape online at this moment! I’m taking Bahasa Melayu Nusantara, Introduction to Psychology and Social Stratification, and all three was kind of heavy subjects. I have two presentations to prepare, that’s for BM and Soca Strat. Mid-term for Psych next Friday! Assignment for Soca Strat, to be handed in the next two weeks, and in between, organizing an inter-faith dialogue, which only have one week left for everything!! I am real nervous about it, because this dialogue is an important programme, and we don’t want to be embarrassing ourselves, there’ll be speakers of other religions from organizations, and the Rector will be coming. I am nervous about it!! I am the secretary II and equally busy as the first secretary!! But I know we can do it!

Amidst all this business, someone managed to actually make me guilty and shitty and in the end, I am forced to say sorry. He’s always right, and I’m always wrong. That’s the way it had always been and this stupid person don’t even realise that I’m hurt about everything!! He always want to be the victim!! And the thing is, I had enough of his games and I just don’t know what to do. It’s up to him!!

And the one thing that, I can say, makes me happy, is the thought of Adit. Even that….. I don’t know what to say, only in my dreams!!! But I really want to see him and tell him that I got B+ for my Fiqh Sirah, which was very unexpected. I want to talk to him. I want to see him. Again, only in my dreams~

after three weeks

1. mom or dad?- can’t live without them 2. tv or radio?- tv3. family or bf@gf?- family ah!! 4. life or death?- can’t escape them5. rtm or tv3?- MTV6. chocolate or ice cream?- please don’t make me choose….7. clubbing or smoking?- —pass—8. [v] or hitz 16?- mtv9. sister or brother?- sisters & brothers10. straight or curly hair?- straight11. western or eastern food?- asalkan halal12. sunway lagoon or genting hlands?- genting ah13. harrier or stream?- i seriously don’t know what these are14. free hair or covered?- covered15. sexy or not?- —pass—16. married or single?- single17. milo or ovaltine?- milo 18. britney or christina?- ???19. hilary or lindsay?- who are they?20. siti or misha?- siapa ni orang2 ni??!! ;)21. adam or zahid?- sumpah tak kenal22. farah or linda?- ???&&&88%%465!!!23. dunhill or marlboro?- stinkers24. mcd or kfc?- mcd’s more affordable. so mcd ah25. skool or university?- love both!!! : )

2 more papers

Two more papers to go!! Then I have to clean up my room and start packing all the stuffs and put them in the storeroom. People have all started packing but I haven’t touch any single thing! And the store room is already full!! Can’t wait till finish my exams!!

Yesterday had Islamic Ethics paper which was ok but it could have been better. Seriously. And I’m quite disappointed with myself. The words just don’t come out, it’s hard to construct simple sentences!! I hope for the lecturer’s grace when marking my paper! I know I could write better!! Ok no point whining over it now, just hope for the best~

So tomorrow there’ll be Sociology and on Saturda, Fiqh Sirah…which even though I haven’t read anything about it, I can’t wait for the day because that’ll be my last paper and also I get to see…..Adit!!!
It’s weird, I had a dream about him this morning~ It’s a funny dream, by the way..but somehow it made me woke up witha smile!