I just had my first final exam paper – Usuludddin 1 and I think I sucked and what’s making it worst was the questions were damn easy and I know I could have done better if only I have better vocabulary and more time reading the notes. I guess I did what I afford to do within this damn chaotic semester. Seriously I could have done better, but God knows what the results will be. I’m praying for the best, for what I deserve to get, for balancing the programmes and knowledge for Allah. Wallahu a’lam.

Please God, I will do better for the rest of my papers. No hope for A’s but there’s still plenty for A-‘s.

It’s ramadhan already! I actually can’t wait to start fasting… don’t ask me why. But one thing that quite saddened me was that I might have to fast the whole month away from family and I won’t have the chance to break fast with my family and no baking cookies and no shopping at Bazaar Geylang(which happened that this year will be the last of bazaar geylang, no more next year!!) and no terawih at en-naeem / istiqamah mosque!! And oh yeah, no bubur masjid!!! So many things that I’ll be missing…. It’s a sacrifice I guess, hehe…the ‘sweetness’ of studying ‘overseas.’
But heck I think I’ll just go back home next weekend. I know there’s a LOT of catching up to do and some unfinished business, but, Yeah I will still GO BACK.

Ahlan wa sahlan Ramadhan!!!

He is back, he was in KL…
i do not know how to react to that… I’m sad and slightly angry that he did not say a word, but happy that he’s back…I’ll just let it pass….

Right..I just want to say something… I just don’t know what the heck is wrong with this friend have…or used to.. iguess, i don’t know. The last time this friend sent me an email was like two months ago…then I replied to that two months ago email (which is by the way, came out BLANK) and I believed I sent one again…but WALLAHI, no reply from the friend.. and then I was browsing this friend’s friendster and saw that there’s few pics and guess what…it has the background of KLCC, which means this friend might have been to this very KL and not a single word to me?? And I’m not the only friend he has here, there’s a few others even….not a single word?? And it was just last year that he was so eager to come here but he wasn’t able to and now that he might be here, he said zero word to me.

And what’s making me somewhat angered was those KLCC pics were not in his friendster anymore and I just messaged him asking whether he was in KL. He was online but no reply to that. Some friend he is!! Is something wrong between us?? Seriously, we used to be close before…and i didn’t see him for a whole freaking 11 months and…. i was so looking forward for his return from somewhere from the other side of the world and he seems to be treating me like a nobody. Where is the old he?

Strictly speaking…if he’s trying to ignore me or avoiding me because he thinks I’m expecting something from him…he WAS right I’m expecting him, but he’s wrong now. I have lost all faith or hope in him…and I’m not even hurt. All those pseudo tears and wasted ink meant nothing to me now. There are so many things that I have to do…I just hope that he still remembers the friendship that we had, that I was there through his hard times, those emails, those long distance calls. I know he has so many other friends…but I do not think that he will be the one to ever hurt me.

Seriously, I have no heart for this class. I started out liking the class and the lecturer but as the days pass by, the interest is lacking and found myself dragging my feet to this class, even though I admit it is supposed to be a very interesting class. Social change and development. Things just don’t go the way I wanted it to, I suppose. The presentations I did, sucked, the research group I’m in, sucked and even the discussion group I have, sucked.

The stress is getting too much and I just can’t wait for the mid-break. Home here I come!!!

The week has passed!!! Alhamdulillah, a burden relief of the shoulders. The things I had went through, the girls at the booth and the performers went through. It’s just too much. Too much. I’m forever grateful to the 5 girls at the booth for their hard work and commitment. Forever truly grateful to them. Without them, there’ll be no booth at all and be left out of everything. Forever proud of the performers for the great show they put up. Of course there’ll be downsides to everything and remarks of shitty sayings from those people but I’m trying to forget those and remember the good memories instead and remember the hard work and the achievements. Persetankan the rest, they did not lend a help, they may not show up at all, whatever they want to do or say. I may be a bit disappointed but that’s the way things were. I’m just too tired to think about it. What’s important was we went through it.

Allah bless those who have worked so hard and sacrificed for good things. I’m truly forever grateful to them.

Siti Nur Huda, Sarah Ayu, Haizumi, Fadiah, Hasanah, Kak Y and Kak Ct(for the night) Fiza, Shasha, Aili, Qzai, Qadar, Sya Spec, k.Dewi, Far, Nabilah, k.Eka, Za, Mint, Nisa, Shahida.

Last note: Congrats to brothers for the cool performance and thank you for helping to clear out the things on the last night. It’s only appropriate you guys took that cleaning job.

After Sisters’ Cultural Nite and the great performance by the girls, I find myself rather busy with booth, still I cannot say it’s a 100% commitment….I’m still very much in debt with the girls who are full time everyday there at the booth, enduring the heat and the crowd and some crude guys who have nothing else to do or say. Allah bless them! And they are only new students, barely adapting to IIU life and the people. I’m grateful to them. And to the girls who dropped by and entertained the visitors part-time, taking over for a few hours for the full-time girls to have rest or their meals.

I’m just disappointed. To who? To what? Why? Truly disappointed, but what can I say. Things are just the way it is. Unity is a dream rarely come true. It’s always very hard to have everyone united and committed to a single aim or achievement. Some just want to concentrate on performing, which when later realised, was not much of an outstanding performance, which we can wow about. An effort yes, but still not the same degree of effort delivered by the sisters in cultural nite and the unlucky pretty booth. Disappointment is a scar.

My week saw brighter days on the weekend anyway. I went to Ulu Langat resort, with the MRCs and BRCs and of course the staffs of Mahallah Halimatus Sa’adiah. Not expecting much of a relaxing resort, the most significant exercise on the camp, was the Nite walk. Don’t be fooled by the harmless name, a night walk indeed but with much endurance and adventure and patience and prayers. And the fact that It was my very first time hiking in the forest in the terribly dark night! I’m honestly and truly scared that I might just give up halfway, or that I might fainted or got bloody hurt or something. Truly scared. But I moved on. Five in a group. Dark and having just a rope as the guide. Thank God, I survived through it alive and unhurt, except for a slight scar on my left cheek, a kiss from a twig. And what was significant, was the thought I had for my Ratu and Romo and my siblings throughout the whole adventure. When I was dangerously stuck, unable to coordinate my move on the sliding earth where it leads to nowhere deep down. I almost gave up. My prayers were hard and all I can think of was my mother and her prayers. Talking to her, wishing she would hear me. remembering how much I want to be with her and my family at the moment. It gave me strength. It’s not poetry but that’s truly how I felt.

The endurance camp was a great memorable experience. Now I can say to people that I have been to extreme camp and know what’s an adventure like. I did not regret joining at all.

Sisters’ Cultural Night!!! And the girls’ performing a sketch + poem, went back to the 50’s (still kampung style) and then the 70’s and then 2005, since Singapore just celebrated 4oyears of independence.

I read a poem on Sang Nila Utama, while Qzai, Eka and Aili acted on the poem. And Mint as the lion!! Very cute! And then there’s a scene on the traders coming. Then we go to the 70’s. one group twisting to Suzanna song and another group dancing to Dancing Queen!! Very nice!! And for the 2005 scene, they danced to Reach for the Skies/Stars, the theme song for this year’s national day song. Funny thing happened, the technicalities were very bad that night, and Reach for the Skies song doesn’t come out well, only the people on stage could here them but not the audience, and I was forced by a committee to sing along. I had no choice but to do it, and thank God Fiza was there to accompany my stupid voice. And thank God for the lyrics on the video clip because I did not memorise the song at all!! Following the music was quite easy for me, since the girls had been humming to the song all week!

I love the girls and congrats for the great performance even though we did not win any place~ We were great in our own way and for a week’s preparation, we sure went through hell and stressfulness, but we got through it!! And all for what?? For Singapore? For IIU?? For Ummatic week?? I don’t know. We just want to stand up for the world to see. The rest have to thank us for standing up for singapore and let people know that Singapore exist.




I know there’s nothing much in Singapore, but it still has aplce on the World Atlas. There are other bigger islands who are lost. We are still there!

Ummatic week…the week which almost all international students wait for, even us, though just a mere neighbour across the straits. There’ll be booths and performances to look forward to. Basically the most happening week for the year…..only this year, a little bit ungrand as last year. For one thing, it’s combined with Convest, causing quite a chaotic progress in the preparations, though I was not a committee in both, but it’s like you can just see and feel the tense, especially when I pass either Convest OR or SRC office. And for me who had been involved in a few programmes, I kind of understand their anxiety. But Convest together with Ummatic Week is a bad idea, addition to the mid term exams and quizzes and assignments coming up at the most inappropriate days. It’s just too much at the same time. Give us space to breath!!! And they say that Convest is going to be a grand event. Sorry but it’s not grand at all, nothing much at the Convesthill and most programmes have almost no publicity. Like there’s no rushing to the programmes and oh yeah, RM2 for Sisters’ Cultural Night and it’s only at the Main Audi!!

I’m worried for the booth since there’s only 5 new students who’s going to be in charge of it. I don’t know why I want the booth to go on despite knowing there’s only 5 inexperienced girls willing to take charge and none of the rest willing to commit and only a few days preparation. I guess the girls’ enthusiasm and spirit encourage me, I just hope the booth will go well. And please no sarcasm or remarks from those who will not be there.

And there’s the preparation for performance on culutural nite. I’m just feeling disappointed that most people doesn’t want to join, along with the booth. I know there’s midterms and assignments, but for God’s sake, we do too!! They keep saying they have tests coming up, like we dont?? But for a week’s sacrifice or just a day’s contribution would be helpful enough. I don’t know why I’m standing up for the whole thing…..