The Futsal match yesterday was great!! Singapore vs Indonesia…it was more fun than competitive maybe because we’re close to the Indonesians. As a spectator, I enjoyed it. The brothers’ match of course was a bit more serious. They live and breath football. They know the game much better than girls. The Indonesian team was more professional, they even have their own jerseys and they are well built- made for sports type and of course much much cuter~ ;)The Singaporeans…they merely wore blue shirts or jerseys but then again, we won the game 1-0. Our goalkeeper was good, our defenders were alert but the Indonesians played fast-paced.

Then the sisters’ match. Obviously, the Singaporeans are bigger and taller but the Indonesians were slick, they’re smaller and run faster. The first half of the game were quite slow but our defences were good. The second half were more exciting because it’s the star players’ team and Singaporeans scored two goals!!! It was fun!! Proud of them at the moment.

Oh yeah, most people were surprised that I don’t play in the matches. Most of them think I’ll be in the team. They don’t know that I don’t like to play anything soccer…well now they know. I was never interested to play…I only watch~ But somewhat feeling kind of proud because they think I can play football. Great match everyone!

I had Intro to Fiqh class today, which I had been coming late these few days…the lecturer was good, he don’t just read monotone like the previous one but I don’t know why I can’t understand the subject. I did not touch the book at all, unless in class, if I were to read alone, I wouldn’t have the interest at all but I know I have to….at least for the final exams. Gee….it’s only in three weeks’ time! OK going to do my best!!

My parents have hinted to me to come home this weekend…I feel like I want to but I’m worried that I won’t study and anyway…I don’t want to face any heart sickness knowing that I can call but I won’t and in the end, end up trying to call him….or feeling guilty for not calling and bluffing him when I should have call and then feeling shitty for even thinking that…..or just plain pathetic thinking he doesn’t care when I really don’t know what’s going on around here. Then again….I will still have the heart sickness staying here and thinking if I’m back, I could have try to call. Then again…why should I be thinking this way??? It’s not like he even care, right????

Get rid of the hate, get rid of the anger and I’ll be thinking…he’s still there only missing in action.

After I spent more hours online yesterday…I went back, have my lunch and had a half-hour reading ‘History of God’ by Karen Armstrong. I borrowed it from a senior and it’s been weeks the book’s with me so I have to start reading before she hunts me. Later, I went to return the digital camera back to its owner…Thank God…it’s making me restless and nervous having to hold two digital cameras at one time. I went straight to the sports’ complex to see my fellow Singaporeans having their practice of Futsal. Oh yeah, they are having a futsal match with the Indonesians, today that is…and they’ve been training since the last two weeks…I hope they win but it’s a friendly match, anyway…and we are very close to the Indonesians. There’s a brothers and a separate sisters’ match. I didn’t join the team…I don’t play football/futsal/soccer whatever that has to do with balls…but I enjoy watching them. By the way.I’m multi-purpose: I’m cheerleader/medic/linesman/timekeeper….but these were during the trainings…I’ll be plain spectator today. I’ve had enough of shouting and I’m going to have to shout again today I guess. I can’t wait to see them play!!

And later in the evening…I became ‘Cinderella’ or is it ‘CinderSeri’ for Qadar and Qzai…They had a grand dinner last night. I ironed their scarfs and helped them to dress up. I found out that I’m actually very creative!! Only two previous nights, I helped them wrapped hampers and last night I helped them wore their scarf- a different style. Well they looked stunning last night…I’m sure most eyes were on them. Miza helped along too. Both of us didn’t go for the dinner. And after Qadar and Qzai went….I continued my ‘CinderSeri’…but cleaning my room, I don’t know why I had extra good mood and energy..arranging my dresses in my wardrobe. My clothes looked amazingly new and beautiful after the ‘makeover’ and then I clear my books and files…arranging them in a more accessible way…and then I changed the ‘wallpaper’ for my noticeboard…from a dimmed silver to fresh orange!!!! And it indeed looked fresh and Legolas on the left side and Lord of the Rings on it’s right side….I’ve been staring at my noticeboard since then and oh yeah I changed my bedsheet to another all blue bedsheet. Aaaarrrggghhhh My room looked so fresh I just want to stay in it all day long and do nothing!! I’m proud and damn satisfied with my room. I love it!!!

“Some people are just damn lucky but that’s because they are weak…those who have to face obstacles and hardships, they are the strong ones and in the end, they will survive.”

I frequently visit Linkinpark.com’s forums board, since they first existed. And I always joined in the conversation especially when it comes to religion. And even though I have yet to really study about other religions, (I’m a comparative religion student, remember?) I learnt something from these people in LP’s boards. One thing was, of course most of them are either Christians or atheists. The funny thing about some of the Christians is that, they don’t believe in their bible, like they found some contradictions in them…they make fun of their religion. Some are just plain confused. And I don’t understand them…I really need to learn more about them. It’s so really interesting!!! I can’t wait!

Quote=I was baptised, but I’m not really Catholic. I believe in a God, but I don’t know whether it fits in with the God of classical theism.

Quote=Well, I was Baptised, I think, only been to church a few times, once to Religion, so I guess that doesn’t really count. But I think I’ve been leaning a bit towards agnostic

But when it comes to Jews, they are really proud of their religion. And they love saying it out loud. Well, they ‘rule’ the world.

As for me….sometimes, I’m unsure whether to say out loud that I’m a Muslim….because of what’s happening around the world right now. I cannot be so sure that these people really know what a Muslim is…all they know was Islam = Terrorism which was a sad thing if they believe the profit-robbing media. Half the world is reading a different thing while the other half is standing up for another different belief. Even those in the same belief is believing in different ideologies. The world is really coming to an end.

What’s even more sad…seeing teenagers who claimed to be of the same belief as me but following their own rebellious will and doing whatever freaking they like…..too much freedom among girls and boys and I mean too much. I’m not saying we can’t be friends but when it comes to sleeping together…it’s just too much. And it’s a nothing thing to them now…like everybody’s doing it…you can’t even get a virgin guy/girl now. I used to learn, back in school, that we are not even allowed to touch of the other species…but now it seems nothing…”I can touch you here, there and everywhere” It’s sad. I am not some kind of orthodox person..I watch all kinds of movies..I love rock/alternative/punk bands, I play the guitar and a few times got myself drifted to some kind of imaginations…but that doesn’t mean I’m going to do ‘it’ now, let alone touchings. Seriuosly, I don’t know what is happening. I wish I can help make things better but I don’t know how..That’s how I’m in such in need of searching myself.

Around this issue…the people here, especially in this campus..there’s two kinds of people…those who seem to be very religious and those who’re not. We can differentiate them from the way they dress…and the religious ones don’t seem to mix with those who they think are not religious, but please this is an Islamic University..it’s all very obvious all of us are Muslims…but even then,we can’t really say who’s more faithful than others. And the locals find it hard to mix with the foreigners. We cannot judge people from the way they dress, but then again…the way they dress don’t seem to potray themselves as people of faith. And they want to blame the religious ones for not giving them a chance….And at the same time, not all religious ones are true to themselves….and they want to say “we’re just humans.”

I love loose straight jeans but I’m freaking uncomfortable wearing unbreathable tight shirts and don’t even think of tight skirts, I don’t wear skirts, except when I have to for formal functions here. Looking at other people, I really am searching for myself instead.

So what’s your religion? Saying I’m a Muslim is not enough…and we can’t even question “how muslim are you?” It’s all up to Allah. There’s so many kinds of people, I have to get rid of the hate and bad thoughts….I really have to…

A parting note: the people in LP’s boards have this some funny attitude…..each and every one of them think they’re the only one who knows what’s ‘real music’ and diss others who they think are tweenies or wannabes whatever. The more metallic, the more music intelligent you are….the more new age, the cooler you are, the more rock, the better you are…it’s a battle of who have better taste in music and I think they are all the same…not even musicians know what real music is~ It’s all in your self but that doesn’t mean we can judge other people’s taste in music…it’s all very stupid to me.

I managed to study for a few hours last night. That’s a great achievement you know, considering I was in my most lazy mode yesterday. All I want to do was eat, sleep or strumming my guitar trying to find a cool tune to sing to, oh gee I miss my reading, and not reading for lessons, I mean leisure reading, I miss reading fantasy novels, I miss reading investigative ones, I miss reading general books. I can’t wait for this semester to end, right after exams, I’m going to hit the library and read whatever books I can get hold of, aaahhh I miss the smell of new books…..scary.

Today, is a fine day….so far, it’s only afternoon now but my morning was ok except for one miscommunication with this female senior. I had informed her last night that I will be waiting for her at OR (Operation Room for IRKHS Students’ Society) to return her digital camera, it’s been a week already I kept her camera. So I went after class, 11 am, to be exact and she never came. And I am not one to wait for people, I don’t have the patience, I waited for like 20 minutes, messaged her that I’m in OR and waiting for her….could she please reply…no reply at all!!! I don’t know what’s up with the people here…they can’t even messaged for a few seconds.They would rather leave people hanging, waiting what’s to happen next! I can’t take it, I went back. I had to do my washing anyway, the sun’s out (it’s been raining heavily these few days). And here I am now, at cybercafe.

But what I really want to write was…I dreamt of my late grandma for the first time since I studied here and after for so long never dreaming of her. It was so sudden I don’t know what influenced my subconscious to dream of her. I guess she found me here. I couldn’t remember the dream clearly but I know it was early in the morning (because I opened my eyes and Miza’s room’s light was on, meaning she’s just back from Singapore), I was with my grandma in a seemingly crowded place….I could remember white surroundings, and a few greens. I was just there with my grandma, like when I was a child and going out with her to the park or something, I feel like I was a child in my dream, there’s only me and grandma but I know there’s other beings but I couldn’t remember seeing people. It was a nice place..all calm and tranquility. And that’s it. I woke up and managed to breath saying ‘I dreamt of grandma’, I had shower, got ready for class, and looking at the mirror, I had to cry thinking of that dream. I really miss my grandma. It’s been almost ten years since she passed. Even now, writing it, makes me go teary-eyed…but I’m in public, got to control myself. And add up to the sadness, I have two classmates who’s fathers passed away this morning…. I don’t want to think of something out of the ordinary….but that dream brings somekind of sadness in me. I’m happy to have met my grandma but just sad….maybe I missed her so much now. I wished I could go and hug her. Allah bless her.

Or maybe she came to my dream because I had been sad because someone don’t seem to give a damn about me..and I’m in this phase of trying to forget about certain things and she came to make me happy. Yes, she did make me happy. Even my late grandma cares about me!!

If he wants to keep on being quiet, well he can…and now I see who he really is, the biggest coward I’ve ever known.

It’s raining today and I’m feeling really mellow and I think I know the cause of it. But what the heck. My pens, my journals and now even my blog understands the very reason why I’m feeling shitty. There’s only one person who can make me feel this way. But anyway, my mind is a blank and I’m supposed to do some studying today. Don’t worry, I will in the next few hours, I’m just not in the mood but I know there’s a lot I need to read. Exams in four weeks’ time!!!It’s the time to get A’s!!

Yesterday, me, Qadar and Qzai spent the day eating!!! At JJ mall, Wangsa Maju, which is a half hour’s journey- provided the bus is not freaking late and then, LRT which is only two stops away from Terminal Putra. Before that, I have to comment on the bus services here. If ever we missed one bus, we are going to spent a hell time, ok, more than an hour sometimes, for the next bus!! The reason why I hated going to town. I hated having to wait for the bus, and with the heat!! Amazingly, the people here, they do have a lot of time to waste, as for me and the other Singaporeans, maybe we’re too used to our fast paced life that being late is the most irritating habit. We walked fast, eat fast, do assignments early etc etc etc. But maybe it’s the culture here, and when we’re back in Singapore, we expect the public transportations to be on time. And the cinemas~ They really need to have more cinemas here because the queue is too damn long for one movie!! People here love to wait I guess, well I don’t have the patience but I need to get used to it, I have three more years of study here.

Oh yeah, back to my eating spree: We had a huge slice of Chocolate Banana cake at Secret Recipe….just talking about it makes me salivate…and had, a Caramel Frappucino at Starbucks and then we ate Black Pepper Steak…Aaarrrgggh!!! I love yesterday, the three of us having the girls’ day and eating our hearts’ out!!! It’s not even a planned day…we went to the library for awhile and suddenly just thought of going out and we did~ It’s like, just go for it and I was in my most sloppy I guess…but what the heck, it’s not like I need the attention right now, and I think I dressed appropriately because it rained heavily yesterday. I enjoyed yesterday and talked of all girls’ things. We reached campus around 10 and I slept like a log. But still, amazingly, my mind still think of you-know-who. And I’m frustrated now…this is the longest time someone didn’t care to communicate. I won’t let anger control me. I won’t let sadness overcome me. I’m anything but feeling happy right now. Listening to Finch doesn’t make me happy, playing my guitar frustrated me, reading bored me and the day is so gray~ Complicated me.

What he doesn’t know…..He doesn’t know that I think of him 24/7 since I don’t know when but I’ve wasted a lot of brain energy on him. He doesn’t know that I worried about him, I wonder what he’s thinking and doing…I wonder who he really is…with the things I heard about him. Even as a friend, I think I have the right to know the truth. And sometimes I don’t seem to know if he’s speaking the truth. He seems so good, so smart, so responsible kind of guy but then again, some people say he’s notoriously popular….and he’s slick with girls…so many times he told me he’s ‘afraid’ to befriend girls but he sure has a lot of them as friends~ and I don’t know if he’s playing some kind of a game….and if he is….why does he has to play it on me?? Is this some kind of a joke?? Because I don’t deserve this kind of treatment, I have never broke any guy’s heart, I never broke his heart, I never even got too close with any guy!!! So why me?? But if he thinks he’s winning…well, I won’t let that happen. I know this game he’s playing and I’m enjoying it 🙂

The feeling when you know a friend and he told you many things and sympathise with him and siding him but later hearing things from other people and unable to defend this friend because other people could be saying the truth…you’re just in some kind of dilemma, not knowing who to trust but eventually trying to believe your own friend but at the same time feeling you’re betrayed for not knowing the truth. Seriously…I don’t know. And I don’t know why he’s not calling or messaging, not even a bloody email! Is there something wrong or am I being paranoid for nothing….why don’t I send him an email??? Well, it’s my pride my ego…Maybe he’s waiting for my email..well why can’t he email me?? Why don’t I just try and see if he reply?? The thing is, I’ve sent him a few messages to his handphone but he doesn’t reply..well I know he wants to save up because his handphone bills accounted up to hundreds of dollars and messaging me was one of the reason, but he couldn’t email is that it?? He said before he doesn’t like emails but he sure does email me before….I really don’t know. I’m ashamed to say that maybe I miss him but stubborn enough to not do anything. I just want to see if he will do anything instead.

He doesn’t know so many things he did was sweet but now I wonder if he’s sincere in them….he doesn’t know so many things about him hurt me to the core but now I wonder if I don’t have to feel hurt because he is despicable? I really need to know~

Some things are better left unsaid~

It’s been a normal routined two weeks but it seemed like a lot of things have happened. I did tests and thank God, good news nowadays. I hope I can make it in the final exams. I really am trying to be among the best. It’s euphoric once you’ve tasted it.

Been busy taking pictures for the IRK magazine. Technically I’m taking care of things since my leader had suddenly took off and quit leaving me hanging and trying to complete the tasks. I hope I’ve done my best.

Anyway, just a brief note on last week, I went back for the weekend, I did messaged him but I guess he didn’t have his handphone, no emails, no calls, I did try once but he’s working so I leave it at that. It’s nothing important anyway. Or maybe he’s avoiding me. I don’t know but I’m giving the benefit of doubt and just wait and see what’s happening next. It’s all up to him I guess.

Went back to Singapore last weekend. Not a planned thing, I was forced to return home because I had an interview for a bursary. I hope I’ll get it. $S1000 = RM2000….guess it’s about enough for a whole year’s expenses down here. And one thing, I’m really hoping I’ll get it, because my interviewer was none other than my old school’s principal!! She knows almost everything about me and my family and I hope she’ll understands. So please God, let me get that bursary!

And something rather silly happened to me. Or maybe I let it happened. Well, to make it short….I’ve tried calling him since last Friday, the day I reached home and I always got ‘He’s sleeping,’ ‘he’s out,’ or someone used the phone. I got fed up till sunday night….when he called and I asked my brother to tell him, I went back to UIA already, when actually I’ll be going back on Tuesday. And I was ok after that…..well maybe truly damned mad at him….I really was sure that I won’t be talking to him anymore for a long time and I don’t care what happened. I was trying to wait and see what he’s going to do next….BUT……my cute little brother had a mind of his own!!! He called back my object of anger and told him that I was actually angry at him, not talking to him and will be going back on Tuesday instead!!! So very thoughtful of him~ I know he’s being cute but he embarrassed me. And I didn’t know about it until much later when I was about to go to sleep! He confessed to me that he felt guilty for having to lie to him…..but he can lie to me!! What was I to do???? He knew I bluffed him already!! Brother, brother…why did you do it? And he was not alone in this, my two sisters actually helped him on what to say!!! How could they??? So I couldn’t sleep that night and he didn’t call me back again. I seriously don’t know what he’s thinking and I don’t know how to say it.

But the next morning…I tried calling him again early in the morning and for the umpteenth time the answer was he’s asleep!!! Even his mother sounded embarrassed and was explaining something to me when the line suddenly got cut off. I called again to say sorry but his father answered instead of his mother…..I was caught off guard and simply had to ask if he’s home. And his father woke him…talked for awhile …..I said sorry but he sounded damn sleepy, I got agitated and told him to continue sleeping and I’ll call back but decided that I will not. It’s up to him now. My patience has its limit. I’ve had it calling guys. They’re never there when you want them. But he called later in the afternoon…sorry there…sorry here and I can’t seem to have a conversation with him…maybe I’m still sore about things. But he did tell me something damn disappointing….I’m just speechless. What is it? It’s better left unsaid because if I’m to reread my blog, I’ll be reading about this and hurt my heart. Let’s just say I’m disappointed in him for doing it and he’s just making things worst. I know he won’t say what made him do it but he don’t just do it out of mere anger. There had to be something. But I can’t be angry at him…his father had a word with him…and I trust he’s learnt his lesson and wake up and see the reality. He’s been living in a dream and too caught up with his emotions he couldn’t see what he really needs to see…to move on! Seriuosly I don’t understand what he wants…..especially from me. I care about him alot and I don’t want him to be in such dreaded state but he has to pull his self out of it. Well, the conversation was ok and I found out he’s actually working and those ‘he’s out’ was supposed to be ‘he’s working.’

He called again later at night and I guessed I pretty much cooled down and I did much of the talking. We ended the conversation with sorries again. I won’t do that bluff thing again. I’m just glad we’re talking again. The friendship needs to slow down. He’s going to tell me one day, like a bombshell, what is happening around here. Sometimes I can’t seem to believe what he says but I wil give him my trust. Pray he won’t betray it.

Today seems different…maybe because I actually didn’t feel sleepy in class…only a few minutes and managed to stay awake throughout the three classes….and I participated well in class.I think my lecturer is starting to notice that I’m serious in learning. I want that.

And today I’m extra pretty…well that’s what people have been telling me…it’s because of that freaking photo taking!!! I just go and acted like I do know about it. And under the freaking hot sun!! Sometimes I felt left out but I know I shouldn’t let that thought ruled over me. I’m only a first year student anyway…but I know sometimes it’s me..I just can’t be bothered with people. I can’t be bothered to even say hi to a fellow singaporean when I see one sometimes. I walked to class with one thing in mind…to study…and I don’t see other people unless they approached me. It’s just me and I prefer to stay that way.

And I can’t wait to go to Shakey’s Pizza!!! And it’s free!!! Time to eat some great food!!

note: it’s been 11 days…and he never messaged, I think his father took his hp to work…I have to believe in that. Sometimes, I lost hope but at the same time, something tells me to hold on for a while.

Seri,everything will surface soon and the truth will come out like a bombshell like he always did. It’s only 11 days…and you’re going back anyway, tomorrow, so hold on.

Just a week in school and quite a lot of things have happened! I will start with last Saturday. A shitty day to start with, by the way. There was supposed to be a photograph session for the editorial board of the IRK magazine I was involved in. So I woke up oh so freaking early in the morning, trying to put in a good mood in myself for having to rob myself of sleep. And when I reached the place, there was not a single soul there. I thought I was early as always, but then I grew suspicious, and I messaged my leader…and guess what??? There’s no freaking photo session for that freaking morning!!! And me, as his assistant, did not know of the freaking cancellation!!! He just said he forgot to tell me. What the..!!! I am so frustrated at this feaking miscommunication which can so be avoided if someone had a heart!!! I don’t know if it was intentional but I’m not trying to be pessimistic but this is dreadful. How could he forget??? And I haven’t been talking to him this few days and I avoided meeting him in campus. I can’t believe it!! And I just found out from another brother that there’s going to be a phototaking tomorrow at 1pm and I didn’t get the message!! I don’t know a thing!! Am I fired or what?? Well at least have the decency to tell me!! Locals here can be so freaking weird sometimes!! I’m going to go down tomorrow and put on the most innocent face ever and acted as if nothing happened and that I do know about the photo taking. And to think I was the one rushing here and there and everywhere trying to get hold of the deputy dean and the dean himself and all the heads of the department for their confirmation! And it was so not easy to get hold of these important people, and me, only a first year student having to face them…have some respect, for God’s sake. But never mind, I will not let this stupid childish thing worry my mind. The heck with it.

Well, anyway, that same afternoon, I went shopping with my close friends..Qadar, Qzai and Miza!! It’s been quite a long time since I went out with them and I had fun!! Bought a nice orange shirt. At last!! Something orange for me to wear!!! But I might have spent a bit too much. So I have to start saving now.

And later at night we went to this bazaar in campus which was held in the event of convocation for the newly graduated students. The whole thing was called Convest. I guess it is a grand event. There’s food corners, stalls selling various stuffs, a cultural stage and even a funfair….well there’s only a ferris wheel and some kind of ‘flying spaceship’ it’s this thing that goes on up and down and going in circles. That was fun but I got worried halfway. I was so worried that I would be thrown out of that freaking thing. Freaking scary but fun and the funny thing was, it was a funfair and they played nasyid songs. Well, the upbeat nasyid but still….I don’t listen to nasyid but I just thought that they should have some respect on nasyid songs and not play them in funfairs, nasyid is supposed to be preachy, and funfair is not a preachy place…people couldn’t be bothered…maybe they have this concept of you can have fun, but listen (!) you have to remember ‘who’ you are. Oklah….good..at least you’ll be woken to reality and remember you are a person of faith…maybe I’m a bit secular in that. It’s just that there’s a place for faith and a different place if you want to be like everybody, it’s two different things, cannot be combined. It just seems freaking rude to combine them…

And anyway, there’s the ferris wheel which looked more like birdcages!! Not very interesting and less than attractive. But sometimes looking at others having a ride on it like they have never been on one before, it kinds of make me feel pity towards them. Go,go and have fun and it’s in the ‘right’ place, you’re not allowed those outside, so try them out now. The religious locals here really took care of themselves and things of entertainment are like a shock to them and they look embarrassed to try out and when they’ve tried, there’s this huge smile on their face….like they just realised having a ride on a ferris wheel is a ‘good’ thing, it doesn’t ruin your faith, you can actually see God’s creation from up there and appreciate it! It’s a nice feeling I know…

Oh yeah, before we went on the rides, we had dinner at one of the foodstalls. I forgot that I couldn’t eat food cooked outside in the open, I ordered and I just couldn’t swallow the food…it went wasted..it’s freaking tasteless anyway!!!

Then on Sunday…I got to try wall climbing!!! It was fun and the feeling when I actually reached the top!! Heaven, like you conquered something!! And it’s only a 25 feet high wall!!! I’ve always wanted to try out wall/rock climbing and when a free try-out already right here, I cannot miss the opportunity!! Qzai was the first to try, always the one who don’t care what people think of her whenever she wanted to try something, she’s cool! Then I went, after Qzai shouted encouragingly…I don’t know where my guts went when I reached the place but I managed! I tried and it’s great fun. I’m definitely going to try again some other time! Then Dewi and Miza had a try.

And I finished the freaking assignment. I did not sleep the whole night~ And right after class, went back and slept throughout like a log till 7pm. I really did not hear anything, it’s the deepest sleep I ever had.

Tuesday, I had my surahs memorising test. The very first to be called!! And the lecturer requested for the very two surahs I would have gladly avoided if I could. But I managed, only that I mixed up a few words. I wished I could read the whole thing again. There were six surahs…there were four of them I’m fluent in, why couldn’t the lecturer asked about them instead of that two!!! But anyway, I managed but I will see madam again and asked if I could read again. I hope she’s ok with it. Otherwise take points from the fact that I’m brave enough to go out and have the test first.

And today….things are well…oh yeah, I had tuition for my Islamic Aqidah with this foreigner brother who’s doing PhD here and he always freaking spot me!! Whenever my mind wander a bit or when I said yes I understand when I’m actually not, he can freaking know!!! But he teaches well…me and Norlin really understands his explaination better then the real lecturer. And this brother gives me the motivation to do well and read up all my subjects. I really can’t wait to do that! I will study hard and smart and start be serious in my studies!! I want that in the near future, my final exams, I will be so freaking ready and remember every freaking points so well, I’ll be smiling from ear to ear when writing out the answers. INSYA ALLAH!!!

And the main thing that I really want to say is that- these few days of convocation…and I see graduates everywhere with their cool robe and bouquets of flowers…they inspire me…they get through…I will too. I think therefore I am. I can’t wait to see my parents’ smiling face…I’ll be waiting for that day…..

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